1,615 Words Of Wisdom From A Bonehead

Reading this guy’s ridiculously long, unbelievably whiny email to a woman who wasn’t interested in a second date will make you feel like a winner.

By ModernMan Editors

1,615 Words Of Wisdom From A Bonehead

If you’re interested in a woman but she doesn’t return your calls or texts, it’s easy to understand what’s going on — she doesn’t want to date you. So you cut your losses and move on, right? If you’re sane, yes. But not if you’re this professional investor-type dude named Mike. He instead found her email adress on the Internet and sent an amazing screed asking for both a second date and for an apology for being blown off for a second date.

Anyway, here’s the entire 1,615-word email:


Hi Lauren,

I’m disappointed in you. I’m disappointed that I haven’t gotten a response to my voicemail and text messages.

FYI, I suggest that you keep in mind that emails sound more impersonal, harsher, and are easier to misinterpret than in-person or phone communication. After all, people can’t see someone’s body language or tone of voice in an email. I’m not trying to be harsh, patronizing, or insulting in this email. I’m honest and direct by nature, and I’m going to be that way in this email. By the way, I did a google search, so that’s how I came across your email.

I assume that you no longer want to go out with me. (If you do want to go out with me, then you should let me know.) I suggest that you make a sincere apology to me for giving me mixed signals. I feel led on by you.

Things that happened during our date include, but are not limited to, the following:

— You played with your hair a lot. A woman playing with her hair is a common sign of flirtation. You can even do a google search on it. When a woman plays with her hair, she is preening. I’ve never had a date where a woman played with her hair as much as you did. In addition, it didn’t look like you were playing with your hair out of nervousness.

— We had lots of eye contact during our date. On a per-minute basis, I’ve never had as much eye contact during a date as I did with you.

— You said, “It was nice to meet you.” at the end of our date. A woman could say this statement as a way to show that she isn’t interested in seeing a man again or she could mean what she said–that it was nice to meet you. The statement, by itself, is inconclusive.

— We had a nice conversation over dinner. I don’t think I’m being delusional in saying this statement.

In my opinion, leading someone on (i.e., giving mixed signals) is impolite and immature. It’s bad to do that.

Normally, I would not be asking for information if a woman and I don’t go out again after a first date. However, in our case, I’m curious because I think our date went well and that there is a lot of potential for a serious relationship. Of course, it’s difficult to predict what would happen, but I think there is a lot of potential for a serious relationship developing between us one day (or least there was before your non-response to my voicemail and text messages).

I think we should go out on a second date. In my opinion, our first date was good enough to lead to a second date.

Why am I writing you? Well, hopefully, we will go out again. Even if we don’t, I gain utility from expressing my thoughts to you. In addition, even if you don’t want to go out again, I would like to get feedback as to why you wouldn’t want to go again. Normally, I wouldn’t ask a woman for this type of feedback after a first date, but this is an exception given I think we have a lot of potential.

If you don’t want to go again, then apparently you didn’t think our first date was good enough to lead to a second date. Dating or a relationship is not a Hollywood movie. It’s good to keep that in mind. In general, I thought the date went well and was expecting that we would go out on a second date.

If you’re not interested in going out again, then I would have preferred if you hadn’t given those mixed signals. I feel led on. We have a number of things in common. I’ll name a few things: First, we’ve both very intelligent. Second, we both like classical music so much that we go to classical music performances by ourselves. In fact, the number one interest that I would want to have in common with a woman with whom I’m in a relationship is a liking of classical music. I wouldn’t be seriously involved with a woman if she didn’t like classical music. You said that you’re planning to go the NY Philharmonic more often in the future. As I said, I go to the NY Philharmonic often. You’re very busy. It would be very convenient for you to date me because we have the same interests. We already go to classical music performances by ourselves. If we go to classical music performances together, it wouldn’t take any significant additional time on your part. According to the internet, you’re 33 or 32, so, at least from my point of view, we’re a good match in terms of age. I could name more things that we have in common, but I’ll stop here. I don’t understand why you apparently don’t want to go out with me again. We have numerous things in common. I assume that you find me physically attractive. If you didn’t find me physically attractive, then it would have been irrational for you to go out with me in the first place. After all, our first date was not a blind date. You already knew what I looked like before our date. Perhaps, you’re unimpressed that I manage my family’s investments and my own investments. Perhaps, you don’t think I have a “real” job. Well, I’ve done very well as an investment manager. I’ve made my parents several millions of dollars. That’s real money. That’s not monopoly money. In my opinion, if I make real money, it’s a real job. Donald Trump’s children work for his company. Do they have “real” jobs? I think so. George Soros’s sons help manage their family investments. Do they have “real” jobs? I think so. In addition, I’m both a right-brain and left-brain man, given that I’m both an investment manager and a philosopher/writer. That’s a unique characteristic; most people aren’t like that. I’ve never been as disappointed and sad about having difficulty about getting a second date as I am with you. I’ve gone out with a lot of women in my life. (FYI, I’m not a serial dater. Sometimes, I’ve only gone out with a woman for one date.) People don’t grow on trees. I hope you appreciate the potential we have.

Am I sensitive person? Sure, I am. I think it’s better to be sensitive than to be insensitive. There are too many impolite, insensitive people in the world.

I suggest that we continue to go out and see what happens. Needless to say, I find you less appealing now (given that you haven’t returned my messages) than I did at our first date. However, I would be willing to go out with you again. I’m open minded and flexible and am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. I wish you would give me the benefit of the doubt too. If you don’t want to go out again, in my opinion, you would be making a big mistake, perhaps one of the biggest mistakes in your life. If you don’t want to go out again, then you should have called to tell me so. Even sending a text message would have been better than nothing. In my opinion, not responding to my messages is impolite, immature, passive aggressive, and cowardly. I spent time, effort, and money meeting you for dinner. Getting back to me in response to my messages would have been a reasonable thing for you to do. In addition, you arrived about 30 minutes late for our date. I’m sure you wouldn’t like it if a man showed up thirty minutes late for a first date with you.

If you’re concerned that you will hurt my feelings by providing specific information about why you don’t want to go with me again, well, my feeling are already hurt. I’m sad and disappointed about this situation. If you give information, at least I can understand the situation better. I might even learn something that is beneficial.

If you don’t want to go out again, that I request that you call me and make a sincere apology for leading me on (i.e., giving me mixed signals). In my opinion, you shouldn’t act that way toward a man and then not go out with him again. It’s bad to play with your hair so much and make so much eye contact if you’re not interested in going out with me again. I have tried to write this email well, but it’s not perfect. Again, I’m not trying to be harsh, insulting, patronizing, etc. I’m disappointed, sad, etc. I would like to talk to you on the phone. I hope you will call me back at xxx-xxx-xxxx> (if it’s inconvenient for you to talk on the phone when you read this email, you can let me know via email that you are willing to talk on the phone and I’ll call you). If you get my voicemail, you can a leave a message and I can call you back. Even if you don’t want to go out again, I would appreciate it if you give me the courtesy of calling me and talking to me. Yes, you might say things that hurt me, but my feelings are already hurt. Sending me an email response (instead of talking on the phone) would better than no response at all, but I think it would be better to talk on the phone. Email communication has too much potential for misinterpretation, etc.

Best, Mike

TAGS: dating, e-mail, relationships, women


Post a comment:

Wendy Kendall (Thu, 08 Dec 2011 00:19:11 +0000): Yeah.... Right, so this is how you get a second date....
Hilary Ford (Thu, 08 Dec 2011 00:46:25 +0000): Pretty easy to see why she didn't want a second date!
Christopher Koulouris (Thu, 08 Dec 2011 10:23:18 +0000): Shouldn’t you be writing Mike a long love letter back tonight and telling him you like the Philarharmonic too…. (and of course don’t forget to tell him you like twirling your hair between your fingers either, that’ll definitely send him over the edge ladies). http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2011/12/yikes-rejected-man-sends-woman-1615-word-manifesto-as-to-why-she-should-continue-seeing-him-she-in-turn-posts-it-on-the-web/
Corey J. Apling (Thu, 08 Dec 2011 19:20:31 +0000): We have a number of things in common. I’ll name a few things: First, we’ve both very intelligent.
AJ Rose (Fri, 09 Dec 2011 04:47:16 +0000): omg lol!
Andrew Mashiko (Fri, 09 Dec 2011 05:55:40 +0000): OMG this guy is so wrong in so many ways... I'm embarrassed to even have the loose association of working in a similar industry, or having this guy being regarded of the same gender as me. For guys who want to learn how to woo a woman -- read very carefully, and be everything this guy is not. Hilarious stuff!
AJ Rose (Fri, 09 Dec 2011 06:10:54 +0000): So you're saying no man would write a 1,615 word essay to a woman he's demanding to get back? ;)
David Cooksey (Fri, 09 Dec 2011 09:32:10 +0000): You could turn this letter into a drinking game. Take a shot every time you come across "go out or going out", and take a double shot whenever you come across "disappointed" or "feelings". See if you can make it to the end.
Misbakhul Munir (Fri, 09 Dec 2011 10:14:41 +0000): good post
Carmichael Reid (Fri, 09 Dec 2011 16:39:40 +0000): Can I speak for most of us boneheads... Better him than me. We all have one of these in the barrel. Mike should be celebrated. Irresponsiveness is not a good quality, especially after a first date.
Jonathan Wenth (Fri, 09 Dec 2011 17:08:31 +0000): Man, I hope that chick didn't turn into an ingredient in his lady stew. What a creeper...
Julio Galarza (Fri, 09 Dec 2011 17:55:12 +0000): lmmfaoooooooooooooooooooo!
Garry Egan (Fri, 09 Dec 2011 21:13:37 +0000): His email was fine. I am not seeing a problem, here. She won't take his calls and he's wondering what's up. Why is everyone harshing on him? It's not like he asked her to marry him. They had a lot in common and she dissed him and now won't answer his communications. I dunno. Maybe I just feel for the guy because women can be, let's face it, indecisive and cryptic. YOU KEEP WRITING, MIKE. YOU ROCK. YOUR GIRL IS OUT THERE BRO.
Leila Cockrell (Sat, 10 Dec 2011 00:17:10 +0000): do yourself a favor...don't grovel...not very appealing.
Julie Swantko (Sat, 10 Dec 2011 00:19:01 +0000): Douche Chill......
Mary Beth Cormier (Sat, 10 Dec 2011 01:36:36 +0000): Oh, this is just too funny! Creepy though, sounds like an internet stalker. Every other sentence includes "What I know from googling it"...it's like the guy has absolutely no experience of his own!
James Coughlin (Sat, 10 Dec 2011 05:11:19 +0000): dude, this is epic.
Adrienne Petsch (Sat, 10 Dec 2011 08:14:19 +0000): wow.... if he is so much of a catch and intelligent, couldn't he have at least proof-read his sh_t before sending it on. This is not uncommon. Why do some people think they are entitled to responses. This gentlemen clearly has some issues. Fantastic Bart..... Great catch.
Judy Blank (Sat, 10 Dec 2011 15:54:56 +0000): This guy has way too much time on his hands. Not only that but, wow, what an ego!
Anitra Karr (Sat, 10 Dec 2011 20:19:18 +0000): Lol what a d-bag
Pablo Junior Beltrè (Sun, 11 Dec 2011 23:39:48 +0000): Damn!!! i couldnt stoooop laughing!!!
Brad Clayton (Tue, 13 Dec 2011 06:01:37 +0000): For all of the single guys out there who feel bad for themselves. Read this you will feel better and sorry for this poor bastard who obviously does not understand that women are totally different creatures and do not think like us.
Jenn Lydell (Thu, 15 Dec 2011 02:29:24 +0000): This must be what Charlie Sheen meant by "winning".
Scot Vance (Thu, 22 Dec 2011 04:40:20 +0000): WOW desperate dude!
Camille Lamb (Fri, 23 Dec 2011 04:10:42 +0000): This is too funny.
Marcie Coleman (Mon, 09 Jan 2012 14:24:38 +0000): I'd like to write Mike back and tell him to stop being a douch.. I would also like to inform Mike that I play with my hair all the time and it's useally because I'm bord... Asking for a sincer apology from someone for "leading you on" is pathertic... and had he written this e-mail to me I would have 1- never finnished reading it, 2- probably considered him a potiental stalker and 3 perhaps filed a restraining order.... seriously? Insecure looser-ish much?
Crystal Luffman (Wed, 16 May 2012 03:30:45 +0000): That guy is a nut job! Surely this is fake..
Don Cummings (Fri, 18 May 2012 18:18:23 +0000): What a PSYCHO!
Karen West Eagle Midday (Fri, 08 Jun 2012 15:12:09 +0000): Hey Mikey! A woman plays with her hair when she's BORED too. Google THAT!
Christian Gutierrez (Sun, 22 Jul 2012 21:25:58 +0000): I love the fact he says:E-mail communication has too much potential for misinterpretation lol oh the irony
Ro Ib Ba (Fri, 19 Oct 2012 08:24:23 +0000): there are lots of women dude.
Monique Bailey (Wed, 09 Jan 2013 20:19:48 +0000): lmao. wow. who the hell does this? #creepy


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