30 Things 30 Rock Taught Us
We’re sad to see the series finale of 30 Rock, but we will always remember the invaluable life lessons Tina Fey’s amazing hilarious gave us.
By Zack Zeigler
During the course of its seven-season run, Tina Fey’s 30 Rock has been one of the funniest shows on television. Despite winning Emmys, Golden Globes, and fistfuls of other tiny statues, 30 Rock never found a truly mass audience. But we were loyal fans. And we’ll buy the box set. And the Blu-ray box set. And the special commemorative DVD and Blu-ray box sets with additional episode commentary from the cast and crew, because that’s how much we loved this show.
As the final episode airs, we thought we’d take a look back at 30 of the life lessons Liz Lemon, Jack Donaghy, Tracy Jordan, and the other 30 Rock cast members taught us about life …
1. Relationships are like sharks: If you’re not left with several bite marks after intercourse, then something’s wrong.
2. NBC produces more failed pilots than the French air force.
3. That said, MILF Island > all other reality TV survival shows
4. Jackie Jormp-Jormp died too young.
5. The theme restaurant business model does work. NASCAR’s Fat Load Cafe is a goldmine.
6. Laugh tracks are a sign of weakness.
7. Always take your darkest secrets to the grave.
8. Remember, everyone, just don’t be yourselves.
9. Anyone still trying to make the “Women aren’t funny” argument is an idiot — and probably not funny.
10. If you gain weight, embrace it.
11. If you date a writer, expect the good, bad, and ugly aspects of your relationship to eventually (and publicly) be shared with others.
12. The hot assistant at work isn’t into you.
13. Everyone is selling something.
14. The boss’s boss has a boss.
15. Even the best jobs still have shitty parts.
16. If we lived in North Korea, we’d watch the weather every day.
17. Female jealousy is an evolutionary fact. If you try to breed it out of them, you wind up with a lesbian with hip dysplasia.
18. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve lived in New York. It’s still fun to look up and pretend all the buildings are giant severed robot penises.
19. Somehow, saying “Baba Booey” is always funny.
20. Cameos done right usually work.
21. Sleeping on planes is dangerous due to the risk of being Incepted.
22. Every man should own a tux.
23. When you have a problem, you talk it over with your priest, or your tailor, or the mute elevator porter at your men’s club, and you take that problem and crush it with your mind vice. But for lesser beings like curly-haired men and people who need glasses, therapy can help.
24. Wearing tan slacks with a tan turtleneck makes you look like a giant condom.
25. Jerry Seinfeld really does sound like he’s about to cry all the time.
26. A phony Boston accent is even more annoying than a legit Boston accent.
27. There’s a reason God gave us two ears and only one mouth: Listening is twice as important as talking. But he gave us 10 fingers … he must really want us to poke things.
28. Everyone has a tell.
29. Corporate mascots are never cool.