Pros and Cons Of 8 Male Masturbation Devices, Courtesy of Amazon.com Reviewers

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male masturbator devices

By now you’ve realized that masturbating will not make you go blind or make hair sprout from your palms. In fact, hand manipulation — the enlighetened term for jerking off, pulling your pud, greasing your weasel, etc. — has health benefits! No, we don’t mean the ability to create Popeye style forearms. Like, actual health perks. Masturbation can boost your mood, help your immune system, and, according to a 2003 Australian study, potentially lower your risk of getting prostate cancer.

Indiana University’s National Survey Of Sexual Health And Behavior studied the sexual behaviors of more than 5,800 Americans ages 14-94 years old. Their findings: 78 percent of Americans age 14 and up admitted to masturbating at some point in their lives. And that 20 percent of men ages 25-29 years old masturbate more than four times per week.

Point being, you’ve had plenty of practice and you’re most likely quite skilled at the activity by now. So if you’re looking to change the game a bit, these male masturbation devices can be quite, uh, handy. We trolled Amazon.com for some highly-rated products that can help you get the job done. We also read the reviews, which was by far our favorite part of this assignment. We kept them as-is — typos and all — for your reading pleasure. We put both sides of in there as well — the good and the bad.

Also: 5 Things You Should Never Say To Her In Bed

For those who wish to stay discrete, here are a two tips:

1) Keep your page history clear by opening an Incognito tab in Chrome (or its equivalent in Firefox or Safari, etc.)

2) Order the product as a gift through Amazon and fill out a message to someone else claiming it’s for their birthday or bachelor party gift. That way if someone does see the order slip — or if the goddamn NSA is still peeping on you — it’ll look innocent.

Now get to it …



best male masturbator toys#1. Doc Johnson Sasha Grey UR3 Deep Throat Sucker ($14 @ Amazon.com)

What the package says:
• Made from body-safe material
• Super-tight suction
• Antibacterial sil-a-gel formula
• Molded directly from porn star Sasha Grey’s mouth



Pros and Cons According To Amazon.com reviewers:
• “… better and cheaper alternative to Fleshlight.”
• “Feels almost like my GF.”
• “Fun sometimes, but wears out fast and honestly hand feels better.”
• “… cleaning is a bit challengin”
• “Just got out of a relationship of 3 years this thing don’t bitch or ask for money and it works perfectly. Oh and yes you should buy lube with it.”



Life-Sized Jessica Sanders Realistic Vagina#2. Mangasm Life-Sized Jessica Sanders Realistic Vagina ($60 @ Amazon.com)

What the package says:
• A seven-pound fake vagina that is as realistic as they come
• Measures 12″ x 10″ by 7″ tall
• Anatomically correct featuring vagina and anus
• Reuseable thousands of times without any loss in quality or feeling
• 100% Discreet shipping guarantees your personal life stays private

Pros and Cons According To Amazon.com reviewers:
• “I was hesitant at first about this. I mean really who needs a seven pound ass hanging around. I’m glad I got it though. Realistic feeling, both outside and in. Love the feeling of her “skin”. The hips are great to hold onto if you really want to pound into it. All the fun, with none of the upkeep. Just keep her clean and she’s happy.
• ” While my new girlfriend elicited a great deal of pleasure initially, she proved and unfit partner as her vagina tore quickly. ”
• “It does the job and gets my pecker hard.”
• “The only thing my husband liked was that it had an butt and you could slap it. but other than that, he didn’t really like the feel of it.”