7 Movie Hookers We’d Consider
First, sorry it took us this long to rank movie hookers. Second, there’s three we’d absolutely risk getting the clap to sleep with.
By Matt Christensen
Jade | The Hangover (2009)
Well, technically, she’s an escort. And, after a wild night with The Wolf Pack, she married Ed Helms (inheriting a Holocaust ring), and left her son in the same room as a Bengal Tiger.
Pros: Thanks to her heart of gold, she returned the ring, and she understands the importance of breast feeding. In public.
Cons: The “leaving the baby in a room with a jungle cat” is sort of a bad sign. So was coming back for The Hangover III.
Verdict? We’ll take her! Even after popping out a kid, she’s still fit as Tony Horton. And she understands the importance of a wild night out with the dudes.
Ophelia | Trading Places (1983)
Jamie Lee Curtis’ sympathetic Philly hooker is clearly a rare breed. She’s smart enough to know what a T-bill is, and nice enough to let a stuffy rich douche crash on her couch. Plus, her pre-Activia rack is pretty stellar.
Pros: Probably one of JLC’s two sexiest roles (see: True Lies for the other).
Cons: She’s a hooker in 1983 South Philly. Unconfirmed, but we’re pretty sure that’s where and when STDs were invented.
Verdict? We’ll take her! A roll of the dice would set us up with a financially stable, morally sound babe. The lifetime supply of yogurt would be a bonus.