As an Expendable: Trench Mauser – former Expendable, friendly rival
As a movie dad: Harry Tasker, John Matrix, Jack Slater – In True Lies (1994), Commando (1985) and Last Action Hero (1993), Arnie plays some sort of action hero whose kid (or a kid he just happens to hang out with) is thrust into danger.
What we learned: Hire a babysitter.
In all of these movies, Schwarzenegger’s children are napped from under his nose, more or less, while he’s out battling terrorists. With a net worth of more than $400 million, The Austrian Oak could’ve shelled out for a babysitter – the national average price of which is about $10-12 / hour – and at least had someone to call the police while the twerps were getting snatched.