#5. REMEMBER YOU’RE NOT ON “LAW & ORDER”
Using words or phrases you picked up watching courtroom dramas on TV, or attempting to turn the tables on the cops, won’t work in your favor. Ever. “I was doing a ‘pack to pack,’ where we drive up behind a group of speeding vehicles and look for the most aggressive one that’s pulling ahead of the pack,” Officer Jamie recalls. “I pulled over a lady who said that I had to have been speeding to catch up with her, and that she was making a citizen’s arrest on me. I told her to take it up with the judge.” Now, we don’t have law degrees, but we will say this: That woman is a f*cking idiot.
#6. KEEP YOUR MONEY INSIDE YOUR WALLET
Trying to bribe an officer can lead to your arrest — but not all cops are quite that harsh. “I’ve had people hand me a money clip with their license attached, or hand me their entire wallets,” Officer Jamie says. “I just tell them to take their license out. The only time I was offered money was on a DWI. I just ignored it. He was in enough trouble already.” If a cop is caught taking bribes, he could face jail time, be fired, and lose his pension. Whatever you’re offering isn’t going to cover that.
#7. COME CLEAN
Cops are people, and they have the same problems you have (except for RoboCop, who is a cyborg with far cyborg-y-er problems). So if you were speeding, just admit it and explain why. Saying that you were working late and wanted to get home quickly will go a lot further than lying. “I’ve heard everything: ‘I’m about to sh*t my pants.’ ‘I have to go to the hospital,'” Officer Jamie says. “I say, ‘You have to go to the hospital? I’ll give you an escort.’ Suddenly they don’t have to go to the hospital any more.” Being honest won’t guarantee you’ll be let off with a warning, but it helps. According to Officer Jamie, your fate depends on the cop. An older one is more likely to be lenient, whereas a younger one who hasn’t been around long is more likely to go by the book.