Donald Trump, presidential candidate, business mogul, seller of semi-decent ties and not-so-decent-smelling cologne has given us more to remember him by than ginormous, gaudy buildings and a reason to avoid fake tans. From overstating his worth — it's not $10 billion, and it's not the first time he's exaggerated it — to overstating his cordial relationship with "the blacks," Trump has given us a heaping mound of quotes to demonstrate how clueless a guy can be … "I've been known as being a very smart guy for a long time." -2012 Trump was discussing how he's not a birther but believes President Obama was born in Keyna, or Pluto, or something … "The people that like me the best are the middle class and poor people." -2015 But you never see that because the liberal media won't show Trump hanging out with his people on the stoop slamming 40s and smoking blunts. Boy oh boy are those treehuggers are ruining this great land! "I don’t want to use the word ‘screwed,’ but I screwed him [Gaddafi]. That’s what we should be doing." -2011 This should at least appease his LGBT critics — Trump is an open-minded man. Well, so long as you forget the whole Mexicans send their rapists over here comment. "...I would love to be a well-educated black, because I believe they do have an actual advantage." -1989 Refer to the quote about how he's a smart guy. "All of the women on The Apprentice flirted with me—consciously or unconsciously. That's to be expected." -2004 Who could resist a man that resembles a frumpy scarecrow wearing a crusty string mop? "When was the last time anybody saw us beating, let's say China in a trade deal? I beat China all the time. All the time." -2015 China is the alleged nickname for his penis, so this one may be true. "He may have one, but there is something on that birth certificate...Maybe religion. Maybe it says he's a Muslim. I don't know." -2011 Again refer to the quote about how he's a smart guy. "While @BetteMidler is an extremely unattractive woman, I refuse to say that because I always insist on being politically correct." -2012 At least the guy has manners. "No one will be tougher on ISIS than President Trump." -2015 What about Superman? Or Batman? Sheesh, doesn't his guy live in reality? "This very expensive GLOBAL WARMING bullshit has got to stop. Our planet is freezing, record low temps, and our GW scientists are stuck in ice." -2014 The scientists who admitted to fudging the global warming data to skew the numbers in favor of deniers has the right idea, we suppose. "I have a great relationship with the blacks. I’ve always had a great relationship with the blacks." -2011 Not sure he's right or wrong, but we do know that despite claiming he's ahead of the GOP pack when it comes to the all-important Latino vote, he's bullshitting.
July 1, 2016