My girlfriend and I are walking the block and a half from our Brooklyn, NY apartment to the 2011 Infiniti M56 that I’m test-driving. The game plan for the afternoon is pretty simple: hit up Home Depot for a food processor. Not my favorite way to spend a Saturday, but since she does most of the cooking, the foray will pay dividends. Delicious, pesto-flavored dividends.

I scan the street for the Infiniti while we discuss the relative merits of buying a basic food processor versus splurging on the stainless-steel Cuisinart. I spot the sedan from about 100 yards away, its arched fenders glinting in the merciless summer sun. Thing is, that glint is lower to the ground than it should be.

“No f*cking way,” I say, mostly to myself.

“What’s wrong?” my girlfriend asks.

But I’m already halfway down the block, sprinting. “Someone stole the wheels!”

Okay, it was actually about a year or so ago, we read about it online, and if you’re going to be an uptight fanboy about it, it’s a remake of Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope. Nevertheless, it’s finally here, and we have not been disappointed.

Which in and of itself is saying a lot. Unless you’ve spent the past thousand or so years being slowly digested by a sarlacc in the Great Pit of Carkoon, you’ve probably lamented what’s happened to the Star Wars franchise. Sure, we were able to forgive the Ewoks. Not forgivable, however? Stuff like Jar Jar. And Dex’s Diner. And, of course, this:

And on and on and on. But like a faint whisper of hope transmitted from an ad hoc drone in a distant star system, a group of rebels began using the power of the internet to reclaim the beloved franchise. And the result is Star Wars Uncut.

Hey, look— an unbelievably garish mansion formerly owned by Mike Tyson that now appears to be the homebase for armies of raging meth addicts. Good ol’ Las Vegas!

Actually, it’s not in Las Vegas. This monument to insanity and bad taste is located in Southington, Ohio. Tyson lived there for a period of time in the 1990s — further evidence of the depths of his madness.

Speaking of madness, check out this gold ceiling. “You know what I’d like? For my living room to make me feel as though I’m in a disco. In 1985. In Tel Aviv.”

Who knows what he kept in this rusty steel cage. His Bengal tigers? His pet pigeons? His sparring partners?

The Expendables has gathered perhaps the most impressive roster of movie badasses ever: Stallone, Statham, Lundgren, Willis, Schwarzenegger, etc. But does that mean the Expendables are the most badass movie crew ever?

Not necessarily.

For starters, Willis and Schwarzenegger only make uncredited cameos — meaning at no point during the course of the movie do they fire a machine gun in slow motion while screaming. And besides, just because there’s an all-star collection of individual dudes doesn’t mean they automatically become a badass group of dudes (just ask the 2001-2008 New York Yankees).

The gangs, teams, and crews that follow, however (there are spoilers ahead), all became greater than the sum of their wisecracking, gun-toting, blade-wielding, body-checking (yep, there’s a hockey team) parts. And while we admit that there’s room for debate on whether this is a collection of the absolute greatest guy-movie badasses of all time, we’ll cover our ears and yell “LALALALA!” if anyone disagrees that our final guy-movie crew is, in fact, the greatest of all time.

In fact, if you don’t agree, we’re gonna bleed ya, real quiet. Leave you here. Got that?

We love this photo hate this photo love this photo are disturbingly compelled by this Boschian grotesquerie so much that we had to feature it. (LenDale White snapped the pic after the Denver Broncos gave all the rookies new ‘dos.) Thing is, we feel like there needs to be a slightly better reason to run the Mile-High Messiah’s hair halo. So … how about a link to a Madden NFL 11 review we really like? Tim Tebow will be in that game! Or perhaps video of Brian Bosworth’s nephew outdancing another guy (via WithLeather)? After all, Brian Bosworth’s nephew plays football, just like Tim Tebow!

There. Our work here is done.

Before you call in sick because you feel (and look) like death, consult these expert tips. They may not make you feel 100 percent better, but they’ll hide how hungover you are from your coworkers — and, more importantly, your boss.

Plus you’ll have bragging rights for being the only one of your friends who managed to crawl into work on time after your brutal night out.

If they’re not using the only two funny scenes to make you think the entire movie is funny, or splicing scenes together to misrepresent the movie, they’re using scenes that don’t even make it into the movie. The New York Times once ran an entire story about how many scenes in the National Treasure: Book of Secrets trailer weren’t in the finished film. (We expect more from Nic Cage.)

Why do the suits who market movies create misleading trailers? Because they’ll do anything to convince suckers like us to shell out for a ticket.

Okay, not all trailers are bogus … but these 10 sure are. Read on to find out why. And since this is the Internet, we’re contractually obligated to say this: Spolier alert.

Call them visionaries, maniacs, or people with drinking problems, but brewers all over the world are brewing beers that have absurdly high alcohol contents, or that come in bottles doubling as works of art, or that are derived from ancient recipes and ingredients dug up from graves. They all have one thing in common: They’re ridiculously expensive.

Thirsty yet? Then grab your wallet and check out the priciest brews money (well, maybe not your money) can buy.

That’s not to say you will be killed. Chances are, that zit won’t be the end of you. But accidents happen, even when you’re doing something as mundane as washing your hair in the shower. (As you’ll see, you’re taking your life into your own hands in multiple ways when you do that.)

Yes, whether you’re cleaning the wax out of your ears or bushwhacking through the thatch of hair poking out of your nose, bad luck and a little bacteria can lead to something as minor as a headache or something as serious as your death. And do you really want to close your medicine cabinet door only to see the grinning spectre of Death behind you reflected in the mirror?

Okay, maybe we’ve seen too many bad horror movies (and researched too many medical horror stories). But don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Now that you’re a stupid adult yourself, you’re no longer obligated to go to school … but there’s never been a better time to do it. After all, school can be a vacation from real life. If you don’t believe that, head to a coffee shop at 3pm on a Wednesday, find a liberal-arts grad student (there’ll be plenty), and ask him what a 401K is.

But you don’t need to pursue a PhD to enjoy school as a man. Instead, you can take a couple of hours or days to attend institutions of higher learning that teach you about stuff you actually want to know about. Llike how to shoot sniper rifles, and how to grill various kinds of meat, and how to master the ancient art of covert death dealing.

That’s why we rounded up these seven schools tailor-made for men.