Buy the wrong Christmas tree and you’ll be opening gifts under an emaciated stick on December 25. Thankfully some egghead mathematician decided to give his protractor and Texas Instrument calculator a break so he could help the Santa-fearing public pick the out perfect tree to suit their needs.
Dr. Gordon Hunter — based in Kingston University’s Faculty of Science, Engineering and Computing — created what’s been called a Christmas decision tree infographic. To us, it looks like a basic flow chart with some pictures that aren’t perplexing math symbols like := or φ. Anyway, semantics …
If you want to know what the words are on the bottom of the graphic — what, you can’t read 1.5 font size? — here are the CliffsNotes:
It’s lean, it’s real, and it smells oh-so-citrusy fresh!
A real, dark-green and soft-leaved Christmas tree that’s big and bushy (heh heh) but doesn’t smell particularly “Christmassy.”
A big, fluffy, and pleasantly odorous tree perfect for those who have no self-control for saying no to strands of lights, garland, or ornaments.
Take everything from the previous three options but you aren’t one for decorating, this is your pick; it’s commonly referred to as the classic, traditional Christmas tree.
You are a soulless jerk who hates presents. Display one of these and expect a large surprise on your windshield courtesy of Rudolph.