How To Cure A Black Eye
If only the formula for how to cure a black eye was as easy as the formula for how to get one — drink lots of booze, open your big mouth.
By Michael Irons
Okay, we can’t exactly tell you how to cure a black eye — other than to suggest you avoid getting punched in the face in the first place. But we can tell you how to treat a black eye. In a nutshell, your typical shiner is simply a bruise that’s in an unfortunate place. Most black eyes aren’t serious injuries and are the result of something — or someone — hitting you hard enough in the peeper to damage blood vessels or capillaries. Fluids subsequently pool around the eye and cause swelling and discoloration. While the one-liner, “You should see the other guy!” is a crowd pleaser at work, you’ll still want to get rid of your black eye as quickly as possible. Here’s how to do that …
• Clean It
Clean the area with a mild soap and water. If there are any small cuts, this will disinfect them; lightly pat the area around the black eye dry with a towel. Unless you’re a masochist. In that case, rub dry with sand paper.
• Ice it
If you don’t have an ice pack, grab frozen vegetables from the freezer, toss them into a Ziploc bag or wrap them in a towel, and press lightly against the swollen area. Apply the cold compress to the black eye for 10-minute intervals. That’ll help reduce the swelling, constrict damaged blood vessels, and stop the bleeding below the skin. Don’t use raw meat like Ralphie in A Christmas Story; it may look badass, but if bacteria seeps into skin lacerations it’ll cause a nasty infection. If you’re icing for a while but find yourself experiencing double vision, loss of sight, or persistent migraines, you’re in worse shape that you thought — see a doctor.