Once upon a time, I was engaged. And then, one day, I wasn’t anymore.
But somehow I walked away with a token of our failed relationship — my engagement ring. It didn’t have to be that way though. My ex could have gotten it back from me, and fairly easily too, but he missed his opportunity. If you find yourself in his position and don’t want to miss your opportunity to get back an incredibly expensive piece of jewelry, you just need to follow these five tips … actually, hold on a second.
Before I tell you how to get back the engagement ring, answer these questions so I can figure out whether I should even bother helping you.
1. Who ended the engagement?
B: Her (skip Question 2, proceed to Question 3)
2. Did she cheat on you?
A: Yes (I’m sorry to hear it. Proceed to the tips.)
3. Did you cheat on her?
A: Yes (proceed to Question 4)
B: No (skip Question 4, proceed to the tips)
4. You dick. Is the ring a family heirloom?
A: Yes (Okay, you deserve to get the ring back, but you still suck. Proceed to the tips.)
B: No (Don’t bother reading the rest of this article, cut your losses, and consider the ring her payment for enduring a relationship with you.)
TIP #1: IF SHE OFFERS TO GIVE IT BACK, TAKE IT
When my ex called off our engagement, the third thing I did — first I wailed for 30 minutes, then I screamed that I would never let him take our dog away from me — was remove the ring from my finger and offer it to him. “No, the ring is yours,” he said. I pulled my hand back, eventually hid the ring away in a drawer, and never offered it to him again.
Perhaps it’s too late for this advice if you’re reading this article, but it’s worth saying: If your ex offers you the ring, think long and hard before you answer because you may very well never again get the opportunity to have the matter resolved quickly and without an argument.