How To Have (Drama-Free)
Sex With An Ex
It really is possible to hook up with an ex without everything going to hell afterwards. How do we know? A very wise woman told us how to do it.
By Robin Hilmantel
Sex with an ex is great in theory — you know what she likes, she knows what you like, and the fact that you’re pretty sure, deep down, that it’s a bad idea makes the experience all the hotter. Awesome! Thing is, it really does (almost) always turn into a disaster; most experts back that up, as does pretty much any person who’s done it. But when the opportunity presents itself, you’re not going to be thinking about that — you’re just going to be psyched to have sex with an ex. And I understand. In fact, I’ll even give you some tips to make it as drama-free as possible.
1. DON’T FORCE IT
There’s a difference between trying to hook up with an old girlfriend after you randomly run into her at a bar, and trying to hook up with an old girlfriend by sending her a text at 3 a.m. that says, “Still up? Wanna hang out? ” Unless you have some arrangement in place, chances are the second option will simply result in you being torn to shreds when she has brunch with her friends the next day. But if you find yourself drunkenly stumbling into the same cab together, it’s fair game. Why? Because that way, she feels more like she’s in control.
2. GET KINKY
Go ahead and pull out those tried-and-true moves you know she’s into. But if there’s anything you never did together that you always wanted to do, this might be the perfect time for it. The fact that there are (in theory) no consequences to what you’re doing should open the both of you up to be more adventurous. And if she says she doesn’t want to dress up in the Daffy Duck costume and grind a stiletto heel into your genitals? Well, big deal — it’s not like she’s your girlfriend.
3. DON’T REMINISCE
This one should be obvious — but many of my girlfriends tell me that guys need a reminder. No matter how much you’re tempted to indulge in pillow talk or to take a trip down memory lane after the act, don’t. If you feel the urge to fill the silence, limit yourself to talking about something benign that one of you did recently (like the bowling league you just joined). You don’t want to lead her on or make her think you want to rekindle your romance.
4. CONTINUE THE STATUS QUO
If you kept in touch before the sex, continue to talk. If you didn’t, don’t. Any deviation from the norm is bound to make her wonder what’s causing you to act strangely. And don’t have sex again. Yes, I know, if it was super hot, you’ll want to return to the well. But drama-free sex with an ex is a one-time event. If you start sleeping together repeatedly, you’re almost certain to run into problems.
5. KNOW WHEN TO SAY NO
If you know still have strong feelings for her (or vice versa), don’t have sex. Even if she’s all over you and she swears there’ll be no strings attached. You’ll be opening old wounds, and chances are you’ll find yourself essentially having to break up all over again.