How to Punch a F@#king Hole in a Wall
Punching a hole in a wall is totally immature — and totally satisfying. But if you do it, follow our advice so you don’t wind up with a mangled hand.
By Henry Belanger
Ask a woman, and she’ll tell you that punching a hole in a wall is juvenile, creepy, scary, and/or really unattractive behavior. Well, you know what we have to say to that woman? She is totally … correct. So we recommend that when you feel a need to punch a hole in a wall — and all of us feel that way at one time or another — you do it in private. (Or in front of a perp who you need to intimidate in order to find out where the bomb is hidden.) We also recommend that you heed these tips in order to avoid punching a hole in a wall, and then pulling a broken, mangled hand out of said hole.
1. KNOW WHAT YOU’RE PUNCHING
This is an excellent rule no matter what you’re punching — perhaps even more so when it comes to living things. (Man? Bear? Malevolent alien?) But even when it comes to walls, knowing your target can mean the difference between relative safety and painful injury.
For the most satisfying, least painful punching experience, you want your hand to go through a sheet of drywall (also known as wallboard or sheetrock), into a hollow wall cavity. Like smashing a prop beer bottle, it delivers all the satisfaction and spectacle with none of the danger. You get all the desired effects: venting and communicating your frustration, impressing children and simpletons, and feeling like you could bring the entire structure to the ground with your bare hands.
To know what your fist will encounter, you need to know when your wall was built. The wallboard used in construction today was invented in the early 20th century, but did not become widely used until the post-war building boom of the late 1940s and 1950s.
NEXT: IF YOUR WALL WAS BUILD BEFORE 1946 …