Arnold Schwarzenegger is arguably the greatest action movie star in film history. After taking a decade-long hiatus to govern California and father an illegitimate child, he’s returning to the big screen at age 65 in The Last Stand. It’s his first starring role in a full-feature film since 2003’s Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines.
In The Last Stand, Schwarzenegger plays a disgraced cop who teams up with Johnny Knoxville to take down a Mexican drug lord and his goons as the bad guys speed south toward the US/Mexico border. How these two actors came to intersect in The Last Stand is full of blood, guts, and one-liners. See for yourself …
The Battle of the Alamo takes place, in which Mexican forces defeat a smaller group of Americans attempting to halt their progress. You win this round, Mexico …
The Gatling gun is patented by American inventor Dr. Richard J. Gatling. History fails to record how he comes up with the name for the gun.
Arnold Alois Schwarzenegger is born in Graz, Austria. He immediately begins deadlifting other babies after exiting the womb.
Arnold and some fellow bodybuilders chase a bunch of lousy Nazis out of their hometown of Graz, Austria. Dollars to donuts that’s also the plot of a gay fetish porn movie.
Johnny Knoxville is born Phillip John Clapp in Knoxville, TN. Hours after being born, he steals a hospital gurney and catapults himself into some soiled linens for laughs.
Arnold gets his big break in Conan The Barbarian. During filming, he sustains many injuries, including a 10-foot fall taken while running from dogs, proving that he’s the real deal.
Aviator sunglasses become, like, all the rage after the release of Risky Business. Three years later, their sales jump 40 percent after Cruise sports them in Top Gun. More than two decades later, they’re still hip when worn by Arnold.
Blue City, starring Ally Sheedy and Judd Nelson, is released. It’s the first movie to feature a dude calmly walking away from an explosion in the background.
Cops premieres on Fox and continues to air, demonstrating that Americans never tire of watching high-speed chases, crashes, and voilent confrontations with criminals.
Jackass — Knoxville & Co.’s hybrid prank/stunt vehicle — debuts on MTV. The show makes Knoxville a household name, and inspires legions of college bros to commandeer shopping carts.
Knoxville stars as a two-headed extra-terrestrial in the big budget sequel Men In Black II. It is his first big-screen experience with illegal aliens.
Now governor of California, Arnold explains: “Border enforcement is a federal responsibility. However, state taxpayers currently bear the costs of providing public services to undocumented immigrants, such as incarcerating undocumented immigrants in the state prison system. I will work with other border states, the President, and the US Congress to increase federal reimbursements for these costs.” Ten years later, he revises that stance to be less about reimbursements, more about explosives.
Mexican authorities double down in their ongoing war with drug cartels. The results are … less than stellar; annual deaths subsequently skyrocket.
Knoxville is detained at LAX for carrying a fake grenade in his luggage.
Arnold (65) stars in The Expendables 2 alongside other action-hero artifacts Sylvester Stallone (66), Chuck Norris (72), and Bruce Willis (57).
January 18, 2013
Schwarzenegger and Knoxville team up to stop a ruthless Mexican drug lord from escaping U.S. custody and crossing the border in The Last Stand. Welcome back, Ahnold.