Sad News: Froot Loops Are All The Same Flavor
We took Toucan Sam’s advice and followed our noses — straight to deception!
By Zack Zeigler
Not long ago we learned the ugly truth about Cap’n Crunch — he’s a commander who has impersonated a captain all these years. How Crunch has not been placed in a brig for eternity is another discussion.
But today we learned something equally as awful. Turns out, Toucan Sam has been shilling for a bunch of liars at Kellogg’s. Fruit Loops cereal — the hoop-shaped sugary Os that have helped countless kids discover tooth decay since its debut in 1962 — are ALL THE SAME FLAVOR.
That’s right. The red, orange, yellow, green, purple, and blue you see on the cereal box are actually just one flavor — “Froot.” So what the hell is “froot?” A lab-created “blend of fruit flavors,” according to Wikipedia. And Wikipedia is never wrong.
Also: NBA jam was rigged!
With betrayals from Cap’n Crunch and Fruit Loops, our options for sugary cereals has taken a hit. Now we only have Honey Smacks, Golden Crisp, Oats Oh!s, Kellogg’s Smorz, Apple Jacks, Trix, Honeycomb, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Lucky Charms, Coca Pops, Frosted Flakes, Fruity Pebbles, Cocoa Pebbles, Golden Grahams, Reese’s Puffs, Cookie Crisp, and a few dozen others to choose from.