Scientists: Zippers Are Bad For Penises
In the past 10 years, more than 17,000 dudes have gone to the ER because they injured themselves with their pants zipper.
By ModernMan Editors
A recent study from the University of California, San Francisco found that 17,616 guys went to the ER with zipper-related genital injuries between 2002 and 2010. In other words, penises were overwhelming losers when they tangled with the unforgiving teeth of zippers.
But for all of you fellas out there who wear pants, there’s good news. According to the researchers, 98 percent of the incidents weren’t serious and didn’t even warrant a trip to the ER. Still, it’s understandable why a dude might overreact to filleting his dick in his zipper; after all, enjoying sex — or anything else — with a lacerated schlong is difficult. Plus, 11 cases apparently involved infected penises (yeah, we’re getting woozy too), and those were the result of dudes putting off trips to the hospital when they had really mangled their units. The lessons here: Zippers are dangerous. Maybe we should petition the White House to enact a law prohibiting any pants fastening systems that involve anything but a button fly.