Rating Movie Vans On A Scale Of Laid To Arrested

Choose your tricked-out ride wisely, because it could mean the difference between a night of wild sex and a night behind bars.

By Eric Alt

The van has enjoyed a long and distinguished history in this country, especially in the annals of pop culture. But there’s a fine line between “mobile party palace” and “probable cause.” So which legendary movie van has the best chance of drawing flocks of women and not hordes of policemen? Let’s explore … 

THE SHAGGIN’ WAGON (DUMB AND DUMBER)
“Hey, chicks love it. It’s the shaggin’ wagon.” With all due respect to Lloyd Christmas, that was said from a man who also thinks chicks “love it” when kung-fu fights break out during dinner — so we have to disagree. Roll up in something that looks like it’ll hump her leg while simultaneously looking like a person who would hump her leg and it’s “goodbye, sex!” and “hello, mace!”
VERDICT: ARRESTED

Also: 12 totally demented Christmas songs.

TAGS: cars, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, guy movies, Old School, Star Wars

 

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