THE LAMBDA EPSILON OMEGA VAN (OLD SCHOOL)
This aggressive monster would seem like a prime arrest magnet at first glance, especially when it’s tearing through campus abducting students. But all you have to say is the magic word “MITCH-A-PALOOZA” and it is on. Hop in, crank up the Metallica, and party like you’re not in your early 40s.
VERDICT: LAID
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THE MYSTERY MACHINE (SCOOBY-DOO)
It’s one thing to give your van a nickname, but it’s quite another to spray-paint it across the side in bright lime green and orange curly-cue letters. Seriously, you may as well admit that you’re also a Brony and you sleep with an anime character pillow. No woman in her right mind is following guy back to a rolling Jolly Rancher.
VERDICT: ARRESTED
