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R.I.P. Conrad Bain

Conrad Bain, who played Phillip Drummond on Driff’rent Strokes, has died — but the valuable lessons he taught Arnold, WIllis, and Kimberly live on.


Arnold Drummond’s dad is dead. Conrad Bain, who played millionaire father figure Phillip Drummond on Diff’rent Strokes from 1978 to 1986, just died of natural causes. Bain leaves behind 179 Diff’rent Strokes episodes for us to remember him by, full of advice for Arnold and Willis, the kids he adopted after their mother — his former employee — died. Oh, and also for his biological daughter Kimberly, but nobody really cared about her.

Here’s just some of the knowledge we picked up from Mr. Drummond …

• Not all 1 percenters are heartless pricks.

• When the A-Team wants to film in your house, open your doors and give them no jibber-jabber.

• Angelina Jolie did not invent being a rich person adopting poor kids of another race.

• When your undersized kid goes to school with someone nicknamed “The Gooch,” it’s time to spring for martial arts classes.

• Kids come first. Women come a distant second … until the show jumps the shark and the writers get desperate.

• Adults can learn a lot from children … even ones who repeat the same goddamned catchphrase over and over.

• Just because you have the money to hire a housekeeper doesn’t mean you’re willing to shell out for a decent interior decorator.

• Allow your kids to set you up on dates and your odds of getting laid decrease significantly.

• Pretty much any dude can look decent in a v-neck sweater.

• If the owner of your local bike shop gives your kids food, wine, and porn, it’s time to find another bike shop.

• Female bodyguards can kick ass.

• The idea for Undercover Boss came from episode 148, titled “Blue Collar Drummond.” Seriously.

• The world don’t move to the beat of just one drum.

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