I can’t answer why your girlfriend might assume you’re ready to hook up with any female co-worker, bartender, or chick in yoga pants who crosses your path because that can stem from a ton of things. But if you think she has your actions under constant surveillance, I can answer how you might want to handle her jealous outbursts. The next time she gives you the third degree after you get a text, here’s some tips to handle the situation …
1) DON’T CALL HER CRAZY
This can’t be stressed enough. Referring to a woman as crazy drives her completely … uh, you know where I’m going with this. Look, we’re most likely already feeling weird and insecure for feeling weird and insecure about thinking you’re trying to hide something, so questioning our mental stability will only escalate the situation. So even if we’re being totally irrational, prevent a full-blown argument by restraining yourself from using the c-word.
2) PUT YOURSELF IN HER SHOES
Figuratively, not literally, J. Edgar Hoover. You don’t know her whole relationship history, and some of her old boyfriends could have been dicks who cheated. If you’re suspicious that’s what’s causing her to grill you over every female encounter you have, talk to her about it. Let her know it’s unnecessary and that it makes you uncomfortable. Obviously, don’t do this if she’s riled up. But when she’s calm and starts poking around for intel, it’s a perfect opportunity to make it clear that 1) you’re not going to treat her like any of her exes, and 2) you’ll not going to cheat. Then all you have to do is follow through.
3) CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOR
If you’re taking the majority of your calls in other rooms, telling her you’re meeting with “a friend” when you’re really having catch-up drinks with an ex from college, or saying a text was from “nobody” when it’s obvious from your enormous screen that it’s from a female, you’re acting shady. (Not that I’m speaking from experience here or anything …) Jealousy comes from insecurity. And trust me, insecurity can take a long, long time — and maybe even some therapy — to overcome. So if you’re giving her reasons to feel insecure — and acting super secretive about everything absolutely does that — you’re a bigger part of the problem than the solution.
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