The first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film was released in 1990. It wasn’t the worst film ever created — the second and third installments to the TMNT movie franchise gunned for that title — but it could have been better. So when a reboot was announced lots of thirty-something dudes popped mini-wood that there’d finally be a cool Turtles film. And then they found out Michael Bay was attached. Sigh. Tear. Sniffle.
And after the first reboot TMNT trailer was released, we’re calling it — this movie will be a heaping pile of turtle dung. We expect it to be cheesy, over-the-top, feature gratuitous explosions, and feature Megan Fox looking hot at April O’Neil while attempting to make us forget how annoying and lame she is.
Yes, we’re pontificating, but in an age where the super hero genre has escalated past Daredevil and Condorman (did you even see that?), the new TMNT seems like a step backward. The movie opens in May. But who gives a shit? Not us.