We Know How Big Your Penis Is
Or at least, we have a pretty good guess. After decades of debate, a new study has determined — pretty definitively — the average size of a man’s penis.
By Michael Irons
It didn’t take the NSA to figure out how long the average guy’s erect penis is. All it took was a new study … that also looked back on a bunch of other studies that came before it. Does looking back at old numbers that have long been called into questions, determining that they’re pretty similar to your new numbers, and declaring that in that case you must be right mean that you are, in fact, right? What are we, Sabermetricians? We’re talking about dick sizes here. We’re okay with some leaps in logic.
Anyway. Researchers at Indiana University asked 1,661 men to measure their erect wieners and submit their findings anonymously. (Otherwise, the reported average would no doubt have been something like 11 inches long and just as wide across. Which, if you think about it, would actually be pretty terrible looking.) The smallest reported measurement was 1.6 inches, while the biggest was 10.2 inches. The average length was 5.57 inches, while the average girth was 4.8 inches.
Another study of 323 women performed last November found that females prefer a dong of at least 5.8 inches. That length supposedly provided more orgasms compared to dudes who sported golf pencils in their undies. Anyway, point is, if your dick is more than 5.57 inches long, you’re better than average. And if you’re more than 5.8 inches long, you’ve got what women consider an ideal penis. The bad news? You now have no excuse for being so terrible in bed.