As a woman, I can assure you that women with whom you have regular sex don’t suddenly say they don’t want to have sex just to torture you. After all, we’re into it as much as you are. And that’s why we usually have a good reason for why we’re not putting out. Those reasons depend on how far along in the relationship you are, but they don’t always mean you’ve done something wrong. Regardless, when we suddenly don’t want to have sex, that probably means we want you to make the next move — a move that has nothing to do with taking off our bra. Here are the most common reasons women say no to sex, and the things you should do to ensure it’s only temporary.
IF YOU JUST STARTED DATING:
#1. She has her period.
It’s not that she’s squeamish, and it’s not that she doesn’t believe you when you say you’re totally okay with having sex with her when she’s on her period. It’s that she’s not totally okay with it. (Yes, some women are okay with it immediately.) Assuming the relationship lasts, she’ll most likely relax about it.
Your play: If she’s not getting any, you shouldn’t whine about not getting. So don’t “encourage” her to go down on you.
#2. She’s worried she’s being used for sex.
If you ended up having sex on the first or second date, she might be pulling back now because she’s afraid you don’t really care about her. Sound kinda crazy? Maybe it is. But guys can be stupid dicks, which is why a lot of them still immediately categorize women who sleep with them on the first or second date as nothing more than a potential friend with benefits. So she’s just trying to figure out if you’re that kind of stupid dick.
Your play: Spend time with her not in your bed, and she’ll quickly start thinking about getting back into your bed.
#3. Something weird happened last time.
Just because you were naked together doesn’t mean you know each other, and the earlier you do the deed, the more chances there are for serious miscommunications to occur. She may have been freaked out because your dirty talk went overboard. She may have been embarrassed by something you may not have even noticed. Or maybe she wasn’t exactly impressed with your jackhammer sex skills.
Your play: It’s all right to ask — once — if anything happened last time that she’d like to discuss. After that, drop it and try to think back to what could have set her off. We’re not asking you to play mindreader, but letting her know you’ve thought about it can help her open up.