Believe it or not, your middle-school buddies were wrong: It is not, in fact, the motion of the ocean. According to the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Science, women judge guys’ attractiveness based on the size of the boat. (If you never went to middle school, that means the size of your penis.)
A group of researchers asked more than 100 women to rate the overall attractiveness of men based on life-sized video projections of them standing around naked. The men differed in height, weight, and flaccid penis size. (The women were not shown the men’s faces.)
Based on the ratings the women turned in, it was apparent that bigger schlongs made the men more attractive — though any bigger than 3 inches, and the positive returns started to diminish. (In other words, women responded better to a 3.5 inch penis than a 3 inch one, but the difference was less pronounced than between a 3 incher and a 2.5 incher, or a 2.5 and a 2.)
Height was also extremely important to women, so if you’re a well-endowed tall guy, you’ve got it made! Well, assuming you can get to the point where the woman is seeing you naked. Which is not to say that you should show up to bars wearing nothing but a smile.
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She’s almost naked — congratulations! Before you go any further, take a cue from her underwear to figure out what she’s in the mood for that night.