When Josh Baskin had it up to here (“here” still being pretty low) with being a puny runt in the movie Big, he didn’t do something preposterous like chug weight gainer and skip school to lift weights. Instead, he asked a robotic fortuneteller named Zoltar on a New Jersey boardwalk to make him bigger. And it worked — not only did he grow, he grew into Tom Hanks!
Of course that was just a movie. And your wish might not to be to be bigger. Maybe you want to be slimmer. Or hairier (on the top of your head). Or just want a longer … reach. Point is, for the bargain-basement price of $9,000 (plus about $200 in shipping) you can purchase your own Zoltar machine and pathetically beg him to grant whatever wishes you want.
The entire unit stands more than 6 feet tall and comes with a glossy wood case with thick glass windows to protect Zoltar from dust, liquid, or dead animals thrown by rival gypsies. And while he looks all fortune teller-y and performs the same motions as the one in the film — he head nods up and down and waves his hand over a glowing crystal ball — the new Zoltar doesn’t come with devil-red eyes like the old Zoltar. Bummer.
Also: Before You Get A Dog …
However, what Zoltar 2.0 lacks in demonicness he makes up for with function; he can tell you 16 different fortunes and distribute another 23 on small paper cards.