1. Priapism
Priapism is a prolonged, painful erection of the penis. Causes of include sickle-cell anemia, trauma to the groin area, or a side effect of various medications. Also, watching 24 straight hours of RedTube. If your stiffy won’t go down after four hours, head to the ER. It’s not going to be fun, but they’ll drain the blood from your penis and you’ll finally be able to walk without a pitched tent.
Also: 5 Myths About Your Penis
2. Peyronie’s disease
Peyronie’s disease is the development of scar tissue that causes the penis to bend sharply when erect. Taking a, ahem, hard left or right may screw up sex, unless you date a contortionist.Even shittier, the condition can be inherited or come on suddenly. How’s it treated? Injections into your pecker to break down the scar tissue, of course.
Also: 5 Terrible Gifts For New Girlfriends
3. Balanitis
Balanitis is an inflammation of the head of the penis. It is fairly common, affecting one in 30 uncircumcised men. Symptoms include redness, irritation, itching and a discharge. It can be caused by a large number of infectious organisms or skin conditions. Treatment depends on the cause, so it’s best to consult a doctor.
4. Erectile Dysfunction
While not as awful as the others, any dude who has attempted to get it on and find himself working with a wet noodle knows just how terrible this condition can be.
Consider: Horny Goat Weed With Maca Root Extract ($16 for 60 Capsules @ Amazon.com)Having horny in the name actually makes the product seem more cliche than it is, but it’s less chemically than other boner pills and something to test out prior to turning to the doc.