An App That Records Sex Data

sex map

Using your smartphone’s accelerometer and microphone, the Spreadsheets app tracks your “duration, thrusts, and decibel peak” while you have sex. We know what you’re thinking — that’s not creepy at all. After some time allowing folks to record their bump-and-grind sessions, the Spreadsheets peeps took the data to see which states can go the longest in the sack. was kind enough to translate that data into a color-coded map so dummies like us wouldn’t have to look at lots numbers and percent signs. It should be noted that foreplay was not included. So maybe the hippies in Vermont aren’t two pump chumps and are instead getting 30-minute BJs before they penetrate?

Also: We know how big your penis is

That said, guys from sates like Vermont, Ohio, Montana, Nevada, and Kentucky last a minute or two and should have zero state pride after today. While the swinging dicks in Texas, Oregon, New Mexico, and Alabama will most likely sport perma-boners.