What is Unconscious Gaslighting?

Do you ever feel like nothing you do is good enough, or that your thoughts and feelings are invalidated? You may be experiencing unconscious gaslighting. Unconscious gaslighting is a type of subtle manipulation that often occurs when one person in a relationship has difficulty standing up for themselves and their beliefs. It’s a form of psychological abuse that can have serious effects on the victim’s mental health. Let’s take a closer look at what unconscious gaslighting is and how to recognize it.

What Is Unconscious Gaslighting?

Unconscious gaslighting involves the abuser convincing the victim that their thoughts, feelings, and opinions are wrong or invalid without the abuser even realizing they are doing so. This can lead to feelings of guilt, worthlessness, confusion, isolation, and anxiety.

The abuser may unknowingly twist facts to make the victim think they’re wrong or make them doubt their own memories or experiences. In some cases, they may even use phrases like “You must be mistaken” or “That didn’t happen that way” to undermine the victim’s credibility.

Signs of Unconscious Gaslighting

The most common signs of unconscious gaslighting include:

• Making excuses for their behavior. If someone always has an excuse for why things happened or why they said something, chances are they are trying to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and making it seem like nothing was wrong in the first place.

• Denying there was a problem. If someone denies that anything happened or that there was a problem when you know otherwise, this could be another sign of unconscious gaslighting. They may also try to convince you that what actually happened didn’t happen or wasn’t as bad as you think it was. 

• Not recognizing your feelings and emotions. If someone constantly tells you how you should feel or ignores your feelings altogether, this could be a sign of unconscious gaslighting. It is important to remember that everyone is entitled to their own feelings and emotions, so if someone is telling you otherwise it could be an indication of a bigger problem at hand.

• Making false promises or statements. If someone constantly makes false promises or statements in order to get out of being held accountable for something, this could be another sign of unconscious gaslighting. This type of behavior can cause serious trust issues in relationships over time if not addressed properly and promptly.

• Trying to control the conversation by changing the subject or redirecting blame onto others whenever there is an issue or disagreement between you two – this could also be another sign of unconscious gaslighting as they might be trying to avoid taking responsibility for their actions by changing the subject or shifting focus away from themselves onto others instead.

Dealing With Unconscious Gaslighting

The best way to handle an unconscious gaslighter is through direct confrontation.

Politely explain why their words or actions made you uncomfortable and give examples if necessary. Depending on the individual’s reaction, it’s possible they may never have realized they were engaging in such manipulative behavior before – so try not to get too frustrated if they don’t immediately understand what’s wrong with their approach! It’s important that you communicate clearly but calmly so that they can see the impact their words have had on you without feeling attacked themselves. 

It’s also important for those affected by unconscious gaslighters to practice self-care techniques such as mindfulness meditation and positive affirmations in order to stay grounded during challenging conversations with them. Furthermore, it helps to make sure that any conversations held with an unconscious gaslighter take place in a safe space where both parties feel comfortable expressing themselves without interruption or judgement from either side.

Finally, remember that although dealing with intentional psychological manipulation can be exhausting and emotionally draining at times – there is always hope for healing and growth if both parties are willing and openminded enough! 


Unconscious gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse that can lead to long-term effects on victims’ mental health if left unchecked. Thankfully, there are ways we can protect ourselves against this kind of manipulation by speaking up for ourselves clearly and calmly when we feel our thoughts or feelings have been invalidated by someone else’s words or actions. Remember that no one knows our own mind better than we do—and we deserve respect for it!