You probably collected baseball cards at some point when you were a kid. You may have cherished an old-school rookie card of future greats like Ken Griffey Jr., Derek Jeter, or Rob Deer, and you may even still have a few valuable baseball cards kept safe in clear plastic card holders. (Who says you don’t have a plan for retirement?)

However, you probably tossed most of your baseball cards in an old shoebox and forgot about them because they featured no-name players. Well, we recommend digging through that shoebox, because there might be some gems that you’ll want to save not for their monetary value, but for how hilarious they are.

Interesting facts about Nolan Ryan:  1) He had an astounding 5,714 career strikeouts. 2) He threw seven no-hitters. 3) He loved to hang brain in the training room.

How many times in his life do you think he’s said, “It’s pronounced ‘Ko͝onts!’” A billion?

Hubbard was notorious for pulling out his snake* any chance he got.
*Snake not pictured

If you’re a professional athlete, you’re pretty much guaranteed of scoring with the ladies … unless, of course, you look like Sloth and have a name that brings to mind a particularly debilitating strain of gonorrhea.