Win a Trip To See Russell Brand’s
New Show!

To celebrate the premiere of Russell Brand’s new FX show, BrandX, one lucky ModernMan reader is going to win a trip to L.A. to attend a taping.

By ModernMan Editors

Russell Brand X giveaway

You may know Russell Brand from movies like Get Him To The Greek, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and Rock of Ages. Or you may know him from his excellent stand-up performances. Or you may know him as the former Mr. Katy Perry. Regardless, he’s one of the funniest comedians working today, and he has a new weekly talk show on FX called BrandX premiering Thursday, June 28th at 11pm ET.

That’s exciting. Even more exciting? FX is flying one lucky ModernMan reader — and his or her guest — to Los Angeles to attend the taping of an episode of BrandX! Here’s what you get:

• 2 roundtrip airline tickets to Los Angeles
• A 3-day, 2-night hotel stay
• 2 tickets to the show
• $200 for meals
• $100 for travel to and from the airport

In all, the whole trip is worth more than $2,300. Not too shabby. Here’s how to win:

Step 1. If you haven’t already, Like ModernMan on Facebook.

Step 2. In the comments section of this story (below), answer this question: What’s your favorite joke?

You can enter until 11:59pm on July 8. After that, we’ll pick a winner. Good luck!

(For detailed rules, click here.)

TAGS: BrandX, FX, giveaway, Russell Brand


Post a comment:

Shannon Schulte (Thu, 28 Jun 2012 03:45:10 +0000): How many Deadheads does it take to change a light bulb? 12,001. That’s one to change it, 2,000 to record the event and take pictures, and 10,000 to follow it around until it burns out.
Kenia Perales-Garcia (Thu, 28 Jun 2012 05:29:54 +0000): I like ModernMan on facebook =].
Kenia Perales-Garcia (Thu, 28 Jun 2012 05:37:03 +0000): I'm not very good at jokes but my twins love this one...Knock Knock! Who’s there? Cash! Cash who? No thanks, but I’d like some peanuts!
James Gibbins (Thu, 28 Jun 2012 10:40:22 +0000): How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? -You open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? -You open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference and all the animals in the world attend - except one. Which animal does not attend? -The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You need to cross a river known for being full of man-eating crocodiles. How do you manage it? -You swim across - all the crocodiles are attending the animal conference.
James Gibbins (Thu, 28 Jun 2012 10:41:16 +0000): Also: How do you shoot a blue elephant? -With a blue elephant gun. How do you shoot a yellow elephant? -Have you ever seen a yellow elephant? How do you shoot a red elephant? -Hold his trunk shut until he turns blue, and then shoot him with the blue elephant gun.
David Xiaoxi Li (Thu, 28 Jun 2012 13:41:45 +0000): What do vegetarian zombies eat? Graaaaaains.
Stephan Bennett (Thu, 28 Jun 2012 21:47:03 +0000): Pope & his posse on a plane trip to America. On the plane the pope is doing a crossword and is stuck on a clue. So he asks his cardinals "Four letter word prominant female part, ending in UNT?" There is a slight commotion and the cardinals are racking their brains the one stands up and says " AUNT your holyness AUNT!" The pope is quiet for a few seconds then says "Oh yes yes anyone one got a rubber?".............
Stephan Bennett (Thu, 28 Jun 2012 22:03:24 +0000): Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married. So Johnny goes to Jenny’s father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walks up to him and says “Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage.”. Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, “Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?”. Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies “In Jenny’s room. It’s bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely.”. Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, “Okay then how will you live? You’re not old enough to get a job. You’ll need to support Jenny.”. Again, Johnny instantly replies, “Our allowance - Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That’s about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine”. By this time Mr Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won’t have an answer to. After a second, Mr.Smith says, “Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?”. Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says “Well, we’ve been lucky so far………”.
Chris Monk (Thu, 28 Jun 2012 23:18:14 +0000): Knock Knock! Who’s there? KGB! KGB Who? WE ASK THE QUESTIONS!
Brian Matthews (Fri, 29 Jun 2012 01:45:31 +0000): When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was.
(Fri, 29 Jun 2012 07:36:55 +0000): I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it.
Isaac Salazar (Fri, 29 Jun 2012 16:21:42 +0000): 2 hookers are walking down the street when one says "Girl, I can smell dick in the air. We're going to make some good money tonight." Then the other one says, "Bitch please. I just burped".
Erica Schultz (Sat, 30 Jun 2012 04:35:45 +0000): Yo momma's so fat her cerial bowl comes with a lifeguard!
Brian Scott Gross (Sun, 01 Jul 2012 07:32:39 +0000): Did you hear about the Polack whose wife had triplets? Yeah, he went looking for the other two guys!
Cindy Carlson (Sun, 01 Jul 2012 17:48:21 +0000): A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach... As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why. She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.' The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does. She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is.' Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play. Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother, 'Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.
Samantha Gabrielle Garcia (Tue, 03 Jul 2012 18:22:06 +0000): A man walks into a bar carrying a 12" inch tall man playing a small piano. The bartender is amazed and asks "Hey where did you get that?" The man replies "there's a genie outside granting wishes" so the bartender asks the man to watch the counter and goes outside. LOW AND BEHOLD there was a genie. The bartender walks up to him and the genie says "I will grant you one wish" so the bartender wishes for a million bucks. all of a sudden a million DUCKS appear. He storms back into the bar, the ducks following him, and confronts the man. "What the f*ck! I wished for a million bucks and your stupid genie gave me ducks!" the man replies "oh and you really think I wished for a 12inch PIANIST?" cute right? but let's be honest.. "jokes" themselves aren't really funny and are a bit generic. people are what make them relatable and entertaining. I for instance am hilarious and just so happen to adore Russell Brand. something about his flamboyant, erotic, RIDICULOUS behavior I find charming. love his standup and what ive read of my booky wook, watching him bounce about on stage in heels, high hair and an accent.. but seriously the man is a brilliant comic and a fascinating individual. it would be a pleasure to see him live(and meet him though unlikely) and its always been a dream of mine to go to LA SO here's a few more quotes that made me giggle: "I will only fart in front of a woman once I've made her orgasm. Not immediately after, that would be disgusting. But I think if you take the good you should be prepared for the bad." "I like threesomes with two women, not because I'm a cynical sexual predator. Oh no. But because I'm a romantic. I'm looking for "The One". And I'll find her more quickly if I audition two at a time." "I'm not fucking. I am fuck."-russell brand. and a long joke to bring it home: One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor." So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following: 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better. I believe he's a fan of wanking. Hope you had a good read. Have a nice day boys.
Pat Dolan (Wed, 04 Jul 2012 02:38:39 +0000): A teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St.Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't REALLY need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, "1,228." "That's right! You may enter." St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them."
Ryan Lato (Thu, 05 Jul 2012 14:01:23 +0000): How do you fit a million elephants in Safeway? Take the "E" out of safe and the "F" out of way.
Jessica Kyle (Fri, 06 Jul 2012 20:55:07 +0000): When life hands you Lyme disease, make a Lymeade...and take some antibioTICKS......I think it's funny.
Matt Roberts (Sat, 07 Jul 2012 14:51:01 +0000): What did the egg say to the boiling water? "It's gonna take me a while to get hard, I just came out of a chick."
Luke Wahl (Sat, 07 Jul 2012 23:44:33 +0000): What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russell.
Teresa Jones (Sat, 07 Jul 2012 23:56:11 +0000): A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That's not surprising," the elders say. "You've done nothing but complain since you got here."
Mae Dyer (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 00:01:37 +0000): What do you get when you cross a rhino with an elephant? Elifiknow!
Sarah Bellestri Shih (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 00:02:08 +0000): what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall? Art.
April Clark (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 00:02:23 +0000): A woman pregnant with her first child pays a visit to her midwife. After the exam,she shyly says,"My husband wants me to ask you something." To which the midwife replies,"I know,I know," placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I get asked that all the time. Don't worry,sexis fine until late in the pregnancy." "No,that's not it," the woman confesses,"He wants to know if I can still shovel the driveway."
Lee Roy (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 00:15:16 +0000): WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettor." HUSBAND: "Water in the carburettor? That's ridiculous." WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburettor." HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburettor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?" WIFE: "In the pool."
Sandra Sears (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 00:18:57 +0000): There was a flood in a village. One man said to everyone, "I'll stay! God will save me!" The flood got higher and a boat came and the man in it said "Come on mate, get in!" "No" replied the man. God will save me! The flood got very high now and the man had to stand on the roof of his house. A helicopter soon came and the man offered him help." No, God will save me!" he said. Eventually he died by drowning. He got by the gates of heaven and he said to God "Why didn't you save me?" God replied, "For goodness sake! I sent a boat and a helicopter. What more do you want!" One man said to everyone, "I'll stay! God will save me!" The flood got higher and a boat came and the man in it said "Come on mate, get in!" "No" replied the man. God will save me! The flood got very high now and the man had to stand on the roof of his house. A helicopter soon came and the man offered him help." No, God will save me!" he said. Eventually he died by drowning. He got by the gates of heaven and he said to God "Why didn't you save me?" God replied, "For goodness sake! I sent a boat and a helicopter. What more do you want!"
Tinha Cornelius Fitzgerald (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 00:23:23 +0000): Two men are golfing and they are getting frustrated because the two women playing on the hole in front of them are taking way too long. Finally, one of the men says, “I can’t take it anymore. I’m going to go up there and ask them if we could play through.”. The man walks toward the ladies, but halfway there, he stops, looks and turns around and walks back to his friend. “I can’t go up there,” he says, “That’s my wife and my mistress playing together.”. The second man says, “Ok, I’ll go.”. The man walks toward the women, but turns around halfway there, walks back to his friend and says, “Um..small world, isn’t it?”.
Jamie Seymour (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 00:24:51 +0000): Every ten years, monks in a monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words. Ten years go by and it's one monk's first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, "Food bad." Ten years later, he says, "Bed hard." It's the big day, a decade later. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, "I quit." "I'm not surprised," says the head monk. "You've been complaining ever since you got here." ~ Alan Lynch.
Gina Marie Rallo (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 00:24:58 +0000): Women walks in room husband sitting with fly swatter WIFE: what ya doing? HUSBAND: Fly hunting I just got 5; 2 men 3 women WIFE: Now how you know that? HUSBAND: well 3 were on the phone the other 2 were on a beer can....LOL.
Dee Russell (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 00:26:08 +0000): God created Adam and Eve: After a few days, the Lord called to Adam and said, "It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth, so I want you to kiss her." Adam answered, "Yes, Lord, but what is a 'kiss'?" The Lord gave a brief description to Adam, who then took Eve by the hand and led her to a nearby bush. A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, "Thank you, Lord. That was enjoyable." And the Lord replied, "Yes, Adam, I thought you might enjoy that. Now I'd like you to caress Eve."And Adam said, "What is 'caress'?" So the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve. Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, "Lord, that was even better than the kiss!" And the Lord said, "You've done well, Adam. Now I want you to make love to Eve." And Adam asked, "What is 'make love' Lord?" So the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush, but this time he reappeared in two seconds. And Adam said, "Lord, what is a 'headache'?"
Paula Kressman Leddy (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 00:26:10 +0000): A man walks into his doctors office and says "Doc, every time I drink a glass of iced tea I get a pain in my eye." The doctor replies, "Take the spoon out".
Tinha Cornelius Fitzgerald (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 00:26:26 +0000): Liked ModernMan on Facebook.
Maryann Tribuiani Paiano (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 00:39:20 +0000): What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive? Popeye beat the crap outta him.
Bari Rubin (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 00:50:15 +0000): George Carlin, regarding Leftovers. Please have some of this ____ we've got in the fridge. No Thanks. Oh, come on. If you don't eat it, we're just going to throw it away. If you're going to throw it away, then why the F*^& are you offering it to me!
Mary Wright (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 00:52:09 +0000): What did 0 say to 8? Nice belt!
Lynette Page Olejko (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 00:55:28 +0000): What's my favorite joke? That is easy to answer: any joke that my dad tells me. For as long as I can remember, my dad has told the funniest jokes with the greatest details and facial expressions. Sometimes they were lame and sometimes I couldn't stop laughing, but they were always the best jokes I had ever heard. Now, he shares these same jokes with my oldest son, who is 14, and I get to hear them all again. And they are still the greatest jokes I have ever heard.
Breanne Wahl (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 00:57:51 +0000): Me: Knock knock. You: Who's there? Me: Control Freak. Me: Now YOU say Control Freak, who?
Tonya Lockwood (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 00:58:33 +0000): What do ducks eat? Quackers
Laura Beth (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 01:08:57 +0000): When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Brandon Hawkins (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 01:12:14 +0000): What's my favorite joke? That is an easy one..... I was talking to this old man one day and he says, Sonny, I am a terrible golfer, but the other day I hit the best two balls of my life... I stepped on a rake.. HAHAHAHAHAHA
Alicia Cox (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 01:53:56 +0000): What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? Bird flu needs "tweet"ment and swine flu needs "oink"ment!
Susan Pertierra (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 02:32:21 +0000): Why did the man dump ground beef on his head? Because he wanted a meatier shower!
Alex Q. Ryan (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 03:15:50 +0000): What's funnier than a dead baby. A dead baby in a clown suit.
Lisa Sumner (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 03:40:45 +0000): Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.
Teresa Cheryl Evans (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 04:11:22 +0000): My favorite joke is my beloved stepfather. You should get a load of him. He told me a joke today. He asked the question, "What's the difference between a doctor and an elephant? " Of course, I dunno. He then says. "Well if you don't know, I'm not ever going to send you for the doctor." pffft.
Kate Konigisor (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 05:04:45 +0000): Why don't cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny!
Shalimar Cleopatra (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 06:08:13 +0000): My friend told me this a few years ago as a 'worst pickup line' thing. "Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?"
Jane Hartrick (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 09:47:45 +0000): The planet is fine.The people are fucked.
Kimberly Palermo (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 13:18:40 +0000): This is an oldie by I love it! A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. “Well,” he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight’s “the” night. We’re having dinner with her parents, and then we’re going out. And I’ve got a feeling I’m going to get lucky after that.”. “Once she’s had me, she’ll want me all the time, so you’d better give me the 12 pack.”. The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over to him and says, “You never told me that you were such a religious person.”. The boy leans over to her and whispers, “You never told me that your father is a pharmacist.”.
Cindy Batchelor (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 14:14:57 +0000): How do you drown a blonde? put a scratch n sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool...
Jennifer Chu (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 18:23:41 +0000): Why did the banana go to the dentist? He wasn't peeling well.
Ping Shih (Sun, 08 Jul 2012 22:13:27 +0000): A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door. When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, Genesis 3:10." Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was naked."
Samantha Gabrielle Garcia (Mon, 09 Jul 2012 03:43:03 +0000): What's the difference between a pregnant women and a light bulb? You can unscrew a light bulb nudge nudge wink wink and the joke from Boondock Saints: "I'll have a coke than." that shit was funny
Mark Jaffe (Mon, 09 Jul 2012 06:45:16 +0000): #stupidjokes: The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
Timothy Attila Erbil (Thu, 12 Jul 2012 05:17:54 +0000): I was going to respond with a dead baby joke... then I thought of Andy and now, I just can't.
Timothy Attila Erbil (Thu, 12 Jul 2012 05:18:00 +0000): Damnit


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