Hate Thinking About Retirement? You’ll Like This Story

invest money

Finding a good job, working your ass off, and earning cash-money is great because it allows you to buy cool cool gear, take women out on nice dates, and pay off your gambling debts. But like it or not, you also need to sock some of that cash away for your retirement.

Thinking about retirement investing may sound dull and complicated. But it’s important to know what your options are — even if you don’t have any extra cash to invest this second. So we’re going to make things simple and interesting. For starters, we asked Kimberly Palmer, author of Generation Earn: The Young Professional’s Guide to Spending, Investing, and Giving Back, to explain all of the different investment options out there, and tell us which ones are best for you.

Oh, and we also jettisoned useless “charts” and “graphs” in exchange for more … compelling visual aids. 


Some people fear the stock market. And banks. And the triangle on the back of the $1 bill. Other people are just plain ol’ lazy. In either case, money tends to end up stashed under mattresses (or in safety deposit boxes or wherever; regardless, you’re not getting a return on your money. “Those places might be safe, but you’ll lose money to inflation, so this is not generally a good idea,” Palmer says. “If you want some place really safe, stick with an FDIC-insured bank account.” But even that is not a retirement plan.