How To Choose The Right Jeans For Your Skinny, Pudgy, Muscular, or Bloated Body Type

mens jeans stylesYou probably never paid attention to the term “jean rise” when you were purchasing jeans. Neither did we — either the pants fit well, or they don’t and hang off of your ass. It’s not ultra important to know, but it helps when you’re trying to determine what other jeans styles mean. Jean rise is where the jeans rest on your hips or waist, and it’s determined by the measurement from the bottom of the crotch — aka grundle — to the button on the waistband. A typical ballpark for rise is seven to 12 inches.

Again, not totally necessary info, but it helps paint a picture when you’re getting into the various types of fits, such as …

Low Rise: You guessed it — they sit low on or below the hips, typically around three inches. Also called lowriders and hipster jeans. If you’re thin without burgeoning hips, you can pull them off. If you’re not, your belly might hang over the waistband, which is only a good look for … nobody.

Medium-Rise: Also called mid-rise or normal rise, this type of pant sits between nine and 11 inches and is to meant to be worn at your natural waist. If you’re “hippy” — which sounds weird when referenced to a guy’s hips — this should work well.

High-Waist: If you’re sporting a gut, consider high-waist jeans to help conceal the excess poundage. That is, unless your spare tire is to the point where you need an elastic waistband on your pants to maintain comfort.

Straight-Cut: The most ubiquitous jeans this side of Brooklyn (which is reserved for slim-fit jeans), straight-cut jeans as what you might call “normal.” They’re not tapered or too loose — they’re just … jeans.

The cuff is slightly wider to accommodate for boots and clown shoes.

They’re slightly different from skinny jeans because they’re not as form-fitting. Put another way, skinny jeans will display your junk like it was traced; slim-fit jeans will highlight your bulge.

They’re so goddamn tight they appear to be painted on. If you’re ever worked out and put any meat on your quads, glutes, or hammies, forget about squeezing your ass into skinny jeans.  The stereotype is that all hipsters wear them, but it’s okay because they did so before wearing skinny jeans was cool. Also, Kramer wore them once, and it didn’t end well …

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Image: Wikipedia