Dating is tough, it’s a minefield of emotions, sex, disappointment, excitement, and everything in between but some believe it becomes even tougher when it comes to dating someone who works in the infamous adult industry.
The question may have crossed your mind and I think it’s perfectly acceptable to suggest that most people have thought about this scenario, how do you date somebody who has tried it all? how does it feel to date someone who strangers, friends, or even family may have already seen naked? How do you deal with jealousy and intimacy?
I got to personally lift the veil on what it means to date someone involved in this spicy and unrestrained world and I found there are so many questions that need to be answered, and finally, I am here to do just that.
I think it would be silly to assume that every single person has the same experiences with dating people in the adult industry but, this is mine and I feel I got a pretty good grasp on the burning questions we all have.
We met online (cliché I know!), she was perfect, a real 10/10, and way out of my league. She was upfront on our first date about her job on OnlyFans and I felt a pang of jealousy run through me, all I could selfishly think was that others had seen her naked, everyone knew more about her. They knew what she liked before I did and saw her at her most vulnerable. It was a childish thought but it just wouldn’t go away. The date was perfect but my mind raced with thoughts of her working in the adult industry and how it affected me.
I thought I would get through the jealousy with time, I thought being intimate with her would make me see a new light and that brings me to my first point, that sex with someone in the industry is out of this world.
It was always something I had wondered about and I didn’t expect her to follow the cliché and actually be good at sex in real life but I had high hopes, she was an adult star, after all, this was her craft and it’s safe to say that my high hopes certainly weren’t disappointed. I don’t know if this is true for everyone working in the adult industry but she had moves that she picked up along the way and she knew how to use them. She did things to my cock that I didn’t know were possible, she was so sexy in bed and she could do things no other girlfriend was capable of. She would make me cum so hard and send my mind into orbit.
Before things went any further I reached out to my friend Tamsin Flowers, an incredible erotic-story writer who also shares nude pictures and steamy stories from her real-life sexual experiences and she told me two bits of advice that really helped, she told me that I should never buy my dates OnlyFans and I should treat her job as any other career.
Tamsin always has the best advice and she even opened up to me about one of her own experiences with dating someone in the industry and she shared the fact that she had dated a male pornstar. Tamsin told me all about the great sex they had, “He had an appetite for sex like no guy I had ever been with before him” (her own words) and although things didn’t work out, his career as an adult star wasn’t actually the downfall for them.
Tamsin could easily get around the fact that he was an actor on screen and a totally different human when he was with her. He was his real self at home and an actor behind the lens and with that advice in mind, I continued on my journey and it was certainly eye-opening.
She was not just jaw-droppingly good in bed, she was also so career driven. She would constantly be making videos and posts for her devoted fans and she always had something new to give them. I loved her natural flair for business and seeing the inner workings of the adult industry was fascinating. I also learned that the art of porn-making can be quite unglamorous and definitely not romantic or as good as it looks once it’s all said and done. My girlfriend worked on her own but seeing her taking the shots and making her videos perfect didn’t have quite the allure it does once it’s edited and made perfect.
I also met so many adult stars and OnlyFans stars, there were meet-ups, group chats, and a whole host of adult events that I attended. They were all really cool people, down to Earth, and although infinitely sexy, they were just normal under all of that glamour. I went from a normal guy to suddenly spending time around the kind of people you have fapped to on countless occasions. It’s strange!
Despite all the honorable mentions, there was one major downside and that was fighting with jealousy. It was a big thing for me. I tried so hard not to let it get to me but it was ultimately what tore us apart. I couldn’t handle other men ogling at her, I couldn’t switch off the jealousy and although she reassured me about her love for me constantly, I was always feeling insecure which turned me into someone she didn’t want to be around.
Dating within the adult industry comes with its own set of problems, it can be a vipers nest inside of your mind if you’re in any way at all jealous or inclined to insecurity.
Learning to separate the person from the pornstar is so important and if you can do that, it’s just like any other relationship with the added bonus of incredible sex. Jealousy can be a major issue but it doesn’t always have to be that way, having clear boundaries and having a constant open conversation between you both really helps ease the mind and remind you it’s just a profession where your partner happens to get naked and railed. If you’re naturally jealous, dating an adult star will be difficult but if you can get over that and around the fact that it’s just a job, there are no romantic connections to the people your partner is with and you keep an open mind, it’s no more or less difficult than dating in the real world.