I can’t answer why your girlfriend might assume you’re ready to hook up with any female co-worker, bartender, or chick in yoga pants who crosses your path because that can stem from a ton of things. But if you think she has your actions under constant surveillance, I can answer how you might want to handle her jealous outbursts. The next time she gives you the third degree after you get a text, here are some tips to handle the situation …
Tips For Dealing With A Jealous Girlfriend
1) DON’T CALL YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND CRAZY
This can’t be stressed enough. Referring to a woman as crazy drives her completely … uh, you know where I’m going with this. Look, we’re most likely already feeling weird and insecure for feeling weird and insecure about thinking you’re trying to hide something, so questioning our mental stability will only escalate the situation. So even if we’re being totally irrational, prevent a full-blown argument by restraining yourself from using the c-word.
2) PUT YOURSELF IN HER SHOES
Figuratively, not literally, J. Edgar Hoover. You don’t know her whole relationship history, and some of her old boyfriends could have been dicks who cheated. If you’re suspicious that’s what’s causing her to grill you over every female encounter you have, talk to her about it. Let her know it’s unnecessary and that it makes you uncomfortable. Obviously, don’t do this if she’s riled up. But when she’s calm and starts poking around for intel, it’s a perfect opportunity to make it clear that 1) you’re not going to treat her like any of her exes, and 2) you’ll not going to cheat. Then all you have to do is follow through.
3) CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOR
If you’re taking the majority of your calls in other rooms, telling her you’re meeting with “a friend” when you’re really having catch-up drinks with an ex from college, or saying a text was from “nobody” when it’s obvious from your enormous screen that it’s from a female, you’re acting shady. (Not that I’m speaking from experience here or anything …) Jealousy comes from insecurity. And trust me, insecurity can take a long, long time — and maybe even some therapy — to overcome. So if you’re giving her reasons to feel insecure — and acting super secretive about everything absolutely does that — you’re a bigger part of the problem than the solution.
4) ALLOW HER TO MEET “THE ENEMY” …
Sometimes we hear that you’re working late with Kelly and we imagine an Angelina Jolie clone and you in a dimly lit conference room sitting right next to each other. In other words, when we don’t know the characters involved we’ll often invent things. But if you invite us out to meet your co-workers, we’ll see the engagement ring on Kelly’s finger and that you two banter like siblings. And yeah, most likely will privately reassure ourselves we’re hotter than her (sorry, Kelly — but it’s true!). That’ll make us feel better.
5) … UNLESS “THE ENEMY” IS YOUR EX
We’re glad your ex was (or is) awesome. But the majority of us aren’t exactly pumped to meet her or even hear about her, especially if she was recent-ish. Or if you lived together. Or if she’s attractive, funny, or successful. Or if she has two eyes, hair, and both hands and feet. We know you have great taste in women because you’re with us, but if you want to hang with her all the time, we’re just going to wonder why you aren’t you still with her … or if you’d rather be. So, especially if your relationship is new, don’t introduce your current girlfriend to your ex, at least for awhile. And maybe suspend your weekly Sunday-morning brunch date with her too.
6) GIVER HER SOME SOCIAL MEDIA LOVE
Being tagged in a boyfriend’s Facebook post or picture is the cyber equivalent of that “wear your guy’s varsity jacket” move from cheesy teen romantic comedies. It says that you’re proud and happy being with us. Also, it hopefully serves as a sign to all your female “friends” that you’re content to be taken. So if you use Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, etc., toss her some love, will ya? Follow these tips and it may be the answer for how to deal with your jealous girlfriend.
7) GIVE HER REASSURANCE
Sometimes all it takes is a few simple words of reassurance from you to help your girlfriend feel more secure in your relationship. Make sure she knows that you value your relationship with her and want it to succeed—from small compliments like telling her how beautiful she looks, to big ones like expressing how much she means to you. Making sure she knows how much you care will give her the security she needs in order for the jealousy to subside.