Happy 65th Birthday, Arnold Schwarzenegger!
Arnold Schwarzenegger has had a pretty amazing life. So we decided to look back on The Governator’s greatest moments — and best one-liners.
By ModernMan Editors
He won Mr. Olympia seven times, delivered some of the most memorable one-liners in the history of cinema, and proved that you can openly use steroids and marijuana and still be elected to public office. Arnold Schwarzenegger has done a lot in his 65 years, so we decided to honor this great American (or Austrian? Or both? Whatever) by celebrating the highlights of his long and storied career.
Age 23 (1970)
Credited as Arnold Strong, Schwarzenegger makes his acting debut in Hercules in New York. His accent is so thick he’s forced to dub his lines later. And he still delivers classics like, “You have strucked Hercules.”
Age 26 (1973)
Arnold’s acting chops are really put to the test when he plays a deaf-mute hitman in The Long Goodbye.
Age 29 (1976)
Wait, suddenly Arnold can act? He wins a Golden Globe for ”New Star of the Year — Actor” in Stay Hungry, which costars The Dude, Freddy Krueger, and Forest Gump’s mom. Arnold plays an Austrian bodybuilder who’s training for the Mr. Universe competition. Ohhhhhh, that explains it.
Age 30 (1977)
The docudrama Pumping Iron is released. The movie focuses on Arnold and other competitors during the 1975 Mr. Olympia and Mr. Universe bodybuilding contests. Schwarzenegger happily reveals that he smokes pot and feels like he’s ejaculating 25 hours a day from weight lifting. This guy is a quote machine!
Age 33 (1980)
Arnold un-retires from bodybuilding retirement to win his seventh and final Mr. Olympia title.
Age 35 (1982)
Conan the Barbarian earns $100 million. That’s pretty good — but is it what is best in life? Nope. The answer to that question, of course, is: “To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.”
Age 37 (1984)
When Arnold tells a doomed police officer that “I’ll be back” in The Terminator, the line pretty much instantly becomes a classic. This just goes to show how great Arnold is at delivering one-liners, since he has only 16 lines of dialog in the entire movie.
Age 38 (1985)
In Red Sonja, Arnold teams with a pre-Flavor Flav Brigitte Nielsen and plays Kalidor, a guy who looks suspiciously similar to Conan. It is not a good movie. In Commando, Arnold plays a retired Delta Force Colonel named John Matrix, who must rescue his daughter, played by Alyssa Milano. It is an amazing movie, and arguably has more great one-liners than any other movie ever made.
Age 39 (1986)
TV journalist and niece of President John F. Kennedy, Maria Shriver, make an honest man out of Arnold. Well … honest-ish, anyway.
Age 40 (1987)
In The Running Man, Arnold kills a bunch of people, among them a fellow future governor — Jesse Ventura as Captain Freedom — and Richard Dawson, the dude who always pawed women on Family Feud. In Predator, Arnold kills … well, the Predator. Oh, he also kills several Central Americans.
Age 43 (1990)
President George H.W. Bush appoints Arnold chairman of the President’s Council on Physical Fitness and Sports. Not that a bodybuilding actor would care about politics.
Age 43 (1990)
For the first time ever, something overshadows Arnold’s one-liners in one of his movies. What does it take to do such a thing? Why, a woman with three boobs! (That movie is, of course, Total Recall.) The same year, Kindergarten Cop comes out. All you really need to know about that movie is: ”It’s not a tumor!”
Age 44 (1991)
Terminator 2: Judgment Day is hands-down one of the best action movies ever made. It’s so good that it even overcomes a storyline in which a Terminator learns why people cry.
Age 47 (1994)
James Cameron and Arnold team up yet again in True Lies. It’s no T2, but Tom Arnold is actually really funny in it. Oh, and Jamie Lee Curtis strips.
Age 56 (2003)
Even without James Cameron, Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines is still a pretty decent movie. Arnold’s training for the movie no doubt made him the most shredded 55-year-old in history.
Age 56 (2003)
Arnold wins a recall election and becomes Governor of California. To celebrate the achievement, he takes this photo of himself in front of some flags.
Age 59 (2006)
The Governator is re-elected. The staff at the Mansion no doubt tires of him constantly saying “I’ll be back!”
Age 64 (2011)
It’s made public that Arnold fathered a kid out of wedlock with his former housekeeper. And by “public,” we mean his wife also finds out about it. Well, look on the bright side — a newly single, newly not-a-governor Arnold can go back to banging uptown Hollywood trim!
Age 65 (2012)
The Expendables 2 comes out August 17, and will be Arnold’s first major film role post-Governorship. We hope it’s better than we’re afraid it is.