You may think you look monstrous due to a bad complexion, a thick coat of body hair, or the aftereffects of an especially rough
night week of drinking. But you know who really looks monstrous? Monsters.
From masked serial killers to the walking dead to lizards with thyroid problems, monsters are monsters because they look so awful (well, and because they slaughter people). No matter how well you clothe them — Dracula was, after all, a pretty snappy dresser — they still look creepy. But proper grooming can actually make anyone look … somewhat less creepy.
So if you want to eliminate some of your worst physical flaws — or merely want to look somewhat less creepy — check out these tips.
PROBLEM: Poor dental hygeine
From Count Dracula to Count Chocula, a key part of a vampire’s monster game is to look stylish enough to attract (and then savagely kill) the ladies — and that’s tough when you can’t check out your own reflection.
To make sure they don’t have any unsightly neck flesh caught between their teeth, bloodsuckers could use the Philips Sonicare FlexCare Plus rechargeable Electric Toothbrush ($130 @ Amazon.com). It chisels plaque off your chompers, makes it virtually impossible for harmful bacteria to survive, and features a timer that lets you know when you’ve brushed long enough.
Next: Freddy Krueger’s Complexion