GET A TAN
One of fashion’s cardinal rules is that darker colors are slimming. Well, that’s also true for when you’re unclothed — which is why getting a tan can actually make you look thinner. We don’t tell you this simply because Karl Lagerfeld announced it one night after eight glasses of Riesling. There’s actual science behind it: Dark shades absorb light, shrinking a viewer’s visual field, while lighter colors reflect it, making a surface area appear larger. So a bronzed body will look lean and mean (Gerard Butler in 300), while a pasty one will showcase every roll (Will Ferrell in Old School).
If the sun rarely shines where you live (Seattle, Baltimore, the creepy man-nest you’ve built in the attic), invest in a self-tanner. Actually, you should probably do it anyway to, you know, avoid skin cancer. Anthony Logistics wraps their $30 made-for-men tanner in dude-friendly packaging that looks as discreet as any cleanser in your medicine cabinet.