How To Hold a Goddamned Baby

Clinton

LIFT FROM UNDER THE PITS

President Bill Clinton’s technique here is unimpeachable! Kids love attention, so lock eyes with them and get silly with your facial expressions. His hand placement — on or near the chest — is also correct. (That hand placement technique also served Clinton well with the ladies.)

“What infants recognize first are faces and contrast,” Dr. Swanson says. Moving your head and mixing up expressions covers both those categories. But one thing you should never do — even if you’re playing around — is shake the kid. According to the American Humane Association, shaking a child is up to 10 times worse than if the kid were to trip and fall.