Why Your NCAA Tournament Pick Is Going To Lose

Kansas March Madness NCAA Tournament


1 Kansas
Bill Self’s squads are like Star Trek movies. The Jayhawks are either awesome like The Wrath of Khan and go to the Final Four, or they’re crappy like The Final Frontier and lose to a double-digit seed.

2 Georgetown
Sure, the Hoyas’ have transcendent sophomore Otto Porter. But their lack of depth will be exposed in the latter stages of the Tournament.

3 Florida
Billy Donovan still reminds us of Eddie Munster.

4 Michigan
The Wolverines have shown a troubling habit of fading in big-game situations this season.

Their lauded “Havoc” defense is great and all, but when we think of Havoc, we prefer to think of the movie where Anne Hathaway showed her boobs.

Every time Ben Howland plays beer pong in a track suit, John Wooden rolls over in his grave.

7 San Diego State
Residents of San Diego are more concerned about the quality of their fish tacos and IPAs than they are with the hoops success of the Aztecs.

8 North Carolina
The Tar Heels’ best and most productive lineup features no centers — just an array of smaller guard and forwards. That won’t fly against a big, physical Tourney team.

9 Villanova
The Wildcats only play well against top-five teams.

10 Oklahoma
Blake Griffin is on the Clippers now.

11 Minnesota
Uh, they closed out the season with a 5-11 record.

12 Akron
Zips’ coach Keith Dambrot peaked when he coached LeBron James in high school.

13 South Dakota State
Sharpshooter Nate Wolters can’t score 50 points in every game.

14 Northwestern State
Any basketball team with “Northwestern” in its name is doomed to fail.

15 Florida Gulf Coast University
It sounds like one of those “schools” that air commercials starring Shannen Doherty at 3 a.m.

16 Western Kentucky
The Hilltoppers have a giant red blob as a mascot. Ooh, your blob climbed to the top of a hill! We’re scared!