The World’s Most Addictive Workout Plan

Dave Chapelle as a crack addictUnless you yourself are on crack or meth, you’ve probably noticed that approximately 80 percent of all crack and meth addicts appear to be in peak physical condition.

They have boundless energy — important for evading the police. They have ripped abs — a nice trait when you rarely if ever wear a shirt. And they have the kind of low body-fat percentage that many people can only dream of despite regular gym attendance and healthy eating.

Addicts ingest a steady diet of dangerous chemicals and juice stolen from gas stations — an extremely poor workout (or life) plan. Luckily, it’s not the diet that keeps them fit; it’s the lifestyle. So if you bypass the drugs but embrace the day-to-day routine, you too can enjoy the kind of six-pack typically seen only on dudes who get in fights with mall security. All you need is this detailed workout regimen. Repeat Monday through Saturday; Sunday is arrest a rest day.