4 Ways To Turn Her Down
(Without Being A Jerk)
Whether it’s a friend, friend of a friend, coworker, or online “match,” these tips will help you turn her down without fear that she’ll clock you in the nose.
By Robin Hilmantel
Whether you’re dealing with a close friend, stranger from a dating website, or coworker you’re going to see in the break room, turning a woman down is bound to leave her embarrassed, pissed off, or both (not that I’d know from experience, of course). The good news for people who don’t want to spend their lives avoiding someone they’ve rejected is that there are easy steps you can take that will help contain the fallout. You just have to know how to handle yourself.
How to Turn Down … A Coworker
Ask if she can go on a coffee run on an afternoon during the workweek. That’ll make it feel less like a date. While you’re out of the office, say something like, “Hey, I wanted you to know that I’ve been thinking about that text (or email, heart-shaped doodle, etc.) you sent me, but I can’t shake the feeling that it’s a bad idea to date a coworker.” Letting her know you’ve thought about dating will flatter her without leading her on. And if you time the conversation right, you’ll have to get back to work right after you deliver the message. Discussion over.
How to Turn Down … A Friend of a Friend
Tell the person who set you up that the date was fun, but the woman isn’t your type. The middleman or woman will take it from there and do any necessary sugarcoating for you. But if she reaches out to you directly for another date, you’ll have to call her — even if she sent an email or text.
Calling is classier and will be least offensive to her and the person that set you up. Just be careful with what you say. Lying to friends of friends can get you into trouble if you’re caught, so something vague like, “I’m flattered, but I’m kind of interested in someone else right now.” should work. Then switch topics and ask if she’s coming out to an event with your group of friends — like a happy hour — on Friday. Even if you’re not actively trying to get into another girl’s pants, telling her that white lie will make her feel better about herself and make future run-ins way less awkward. Also, nobody can prove you lied.