Alright boys, it’s time we talk about male performance anxiety. If you suffer from it, you might feel like your less of a man. You might feel alone, but you’re not; in fact, the condition has its very own page on Web MD.
Male performance anxiety is no joke. Men, in society, are pressured to play the role of provider, sexual conqueror, stoic, and confidant. It’s no wonder that sometimes wearing so many masks gets stressful.
And society doesn’t help this.
Most gender-issue talk you hear focuses on women. On top of that, while many women with many different body images have gained a prominent place in cinema, less “traditionally desirable” men have been left by the wayside. Even comedy actors get themselves abs these days.
You think Bill Murray dropped 60 pounds for Ghostbusters? Yeah, me neither.
But no matter what the reason for your anxiety is, there’ a solution. This article will walk you through three ways for you to improve sexual performance and cull your anxiety.
1. Slow Down
Maybe you’ve just gone on a date with someone you’ve been attracted to for a while. You can’t believe you got the date in the first place, let alone that they wanted to come to your place.
As things move closer and closer towards sex, you might start to get nervous: If this person is so beautiful, if I’ve been attracted to them for so long, then surely they have other options. If I don’t please them now and please them right I’ll probably never get a second chance.
Before you know it, you’re nervous, rush into something you don’t enjoy, and your performance suffers from it.
Many men find themselves in this situation. Men, it’s time we all admit it, comfort and communication are key in improving male sexual performance. Overcoming sexual issues is never something you should have to do alone.
So slow down.
Just because an attractive person is willing to have sex with you doesn’t mean you have to have sex with them. For many men, this is hard to admit, since they see their virility as a mark of their manhood.
In addition to that, just because you’re willing to have sex doesn’t mean you have to rush it. Slowing down can give you time to catch your breath, and enjoy the experience.
The next time you find yourself with a partner you’re nervous about — or any partner — slow down. If you need to decline this time, your partner will appreciate how honest you are, and understand that you’ll perform better when you feel more up to it. If you need to slow down, your partner will appreciate the time and care you place into sexual performance.
One of the reasons many men have sexual anxiety is because of a fear they won’t satisfy their partner. Almost every rom-com ever has conditioned us into thinking that if we’re not satisfying our partner exactly right, a Ryan Gossling-looking guy is going to come along and sweep her away.
One of the many reasons men get discouraged about sexual performance is because they feel like they’re “just not good at it.” If you think you’re just not talented at sex, there’s a good chance you’re going to feel anxious to do it.
And it gets worse. Even if you are good at it, there’s always the fear that there’s someone better. If you’re a studying pianist, there’s always the fear that Glen Gould is about to walk through the door.
And this is a valid fear.
I’m sure you’ve heard the old joke where the guy on the street asks a weary musician “How do you get to Carnegie Hall?” and the musician replies, “Practice.” Well, we’re not encouraging you to have sex at Carnegie Hall to improve your sex life. Unless Chopin is your thing — like, really your thing — that probably won’t help.
The fact of the matter is, talent — whether in piano playing or sexual performance — doesn’t really exist. People who are good at things got there because they practiced.
As you make use of the other items on this list, you’ll notice your sexual performance getting better, slowly, over time. Track this and try to make small improvements. Try upping the amount of time you last by a little bit more every time.
On top of being able to see trackable, concrete results, seeing improvements will bolster your confidence and eradicate anxiety. Increased confidence leads to attraction in a partner and better sexual performance, so the cycle of winning will continue on and on.
3. Do Some Research
Okay, so this may seem like a copout. You’re reading this article to learn how to reduce your anxiety, not to be told to do your homework. But the truth is no one article can tell you all you need to know about your individual performance anxiety.
If you want to solve your anxiety and improve your sexual performance, you need to get specific. Rather than running away from the anxiety, ask yourself a question — what specifically is the anxiety about?
If you can last longer with a partner who you’ve been with many times, but not with a new partner, that’s its own research project. If you have a tough time finding yourself desirable, that’s its own project. If you have problems with body image issues — you see the pattern here.
Heck, there are men out there who fear that their significant other will leave them if their sexual performance is not up to par. Anxiety issues are often cloudy, and it’s tough to see what they actually represent unless you look into them.
But it’s not all mental.
Sometimes performance anxiety can come from physical issues. If your problems relate to penis sensitivity, there are many options out there to help you. Promescent wrote this wonderful article that you should definitely check out if you have a sensitive penis head.
Eliminate Male Performance Anxiety
Male performance anxiety is a serious issue. It’s not your fault if you suffer from it, society expects men to be greek gods, superheroes, model fathers, and Cassanova’s all the same time.
Thankfully there are solutions. Slowing down, practicing, and doing research are three of the most important steps you can make in improving your performance.
Once you put the work in, there’s nothing stopping you from having the sex life of your dreams.
If you liked this article, check out our section on sex!