It’s not that I’m not into sex in the morning. Sometimes, I am. Sometimes, I’m not. Whether I’m ready to rock ‘n’ roll often depends on A) whether I’ve had too much to drink the previous night, and B) how you proposition me. For example, jamming your morning wood into my thigh or butt cheeks doesn’t cut it. Shocker, right? Neither does feeling or tasting your hot garbage breath on my neck and face as you attempt to wake me from a deep slumber. If you want to up your odds of getting lucky in the a.m., try using these tips. They get me going, which means they might also get your girlfriend going. That, of course, means you’ll get off.
#1. Don’t Make Your Move Too Early
When the sun’s up I’m more likely to be in the mood than if streetlights are still on. A 3 a.m. wake-up call isn’t romantic or fun; it’s screwing me out of sleep. Put it away until later.
#2. No Kissing On The Mouth Unless We’ve Both Brushed
I’m down with the neck and shoulder kissing, but unless you took a morning pee and rinsed your mouth out with mouthwash or gave your teeth a quick brush, I don’t want to smell or taste your breath. And I don’t anticipate you want to taste or smell mine (because it’s just as gross as yours).
Next: No Double Dipping