6 Real-Life Video Game Power-Ups

Steroids: Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa#6. GAME: Duke Nuke ‘Em 3D

POWER-UP: Injecting steroids with a filthy needle found on the floor of a bathroom or strip club. It cures any damage Duke has endured at the hands or tentacles of evil aliens.

IN REAL LIFE: By now everyone knows what steroids are meant to do — to make you play professional sports better. Fewer people are fully aware of the side effects, however. Minor ones include extreme mood swings, excessive hair growth, and more acne than Season 3 of The Wonder Years. More serious ones include heart failure, liver disease, increased risk of cancer, high cholesterol, sleep apnea, and swelling of your extremities. Also, testicles shrivel like dried prunes. To be fair, this power-up may actually do what it’s supposed to, since all of those physical effects may make you hideous enough to scare away the aliens. Then again, dirty needles give you AIDS. Hey, everything has its pros and cons.