SEXCEREAL is The New Breakfast of Champions


Toronto businessman and suspected Snap, Crackle, and Pop hater Peter Ehrlich got a bright idea while he and his flaccid penis were strolling through the supermarket: Why not create a cereal that’ll help people perform better in the sack?

After soliciting nutritionists to compile a mix of healthy ingredients for both men and women, Ehrlich had his product — SEXCEREAL. The gender-based breakfast food includes a women’s formula that targets hormonal balance, and a men’s brand featuring goji berries, camu camu, and pumpkin seeds to help support testosterone levels. The cereal is also high in fiber and low in sugar. The downside? It costs $10 for a 300-gram bag, and the mascots aren’t nearly as cool as Tony the Tiger or Cap’n Crunch.

Still, while SEXCEREAL isn’t a bad way to get the day off to a healthy start, don’t expect it to work miracles on your boner if he’s been climbing to half-mast of late. High cholesterol, heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, smoking tobacco, depression, stress, and drinking too much booze can all cause erectile dysfunction. And unfortunately, you can’t cure those things with a few bowls of cereal.

Sexcereal label