It can be tough to figure out what the deal is between the two of you after the first few dates. That confusion can lead to some awkward situations (“Hey guys, this is … my … uh … friend …”), and it can also cause some major misunderstandings that have the potential to derail the relationship before it begins. The beginning courtship phase can’t last forever, and that’s a good thing, because once you get past that, it means she’ll pick up the damn tab from time to time. So here’s how to make her your girlfriend without making her hate you.
DO: SEND SUBTLE SIGNALS
It’s best to make a gradual transition from the full-court charm press of the first few dates in which you go out of your way to be accommodating to becoming a couple who works together. For instance, if you ask her to split the check immediately after the first time you sleep together, she’ll feel cheap. Instead, let her know the rules have changed by, say, inviting her over to cook dinner together, then ask her to pick up the wine or grab a certain ingredient. That doesn’t put her on the spot, but it does send the message that you’re ready to take things a little more seriously.
DON’T: MOVE TOO FAST
Recently, I went on one date with a guy. At the end of the night, he walked me home and we made out in front of my front door. A week later, he texted me to say he was out with friends in my neighborhood and asked if I wanted to hang out. When I said I was stuck on deadline, he told me he was coming over.
It’d have been acceptable if he was my boyfriend, but this was a guy I barely knew and the text really creeped me out … and made me turn off all of the lights and double-lock the doors. The lesson: Less is more. If he’d stopped with the text to hang out, it would have seemed sweet.