10 Things Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Needs To Be Good

Mister Immortal

Now that The Avengers have gone A-list, there’s no way they’re showing up for cameos on TV. (The writers have insisted they won’t pull any lame cop-outs, like “Oh boy! You just missed Iron Man. But look! There’s his jet mist!) So why not tap the lesser-known “super” teams of the Marvel Universe? Like the Great Lakes Avengers (GLA), which was founded by Mister Immortal, whose power is — no joke — his ability to return from the dead. Or maybe the big reveal is that Mister Immortal is actually … AGENT COULSON!!! (We apologize for blowing your mind.)

Other possibles:

• Dinah Soar: (not to be confused with Dinah Shore) is a pterodactyl woman with razor-tipped wings who possesses the ability to psychically calm people. Because nothing says “Namaste” like a giant prehistoric bird woman with razor wings.

• Big Bertha: She’s obese … but the strong kind of obese, not the Jabba the Hut kind of obese.

• Flatman: He’s kind of like Plastic Man, but he can only make himself really … flat.

Doorman: He hails taxis by raising an eyebrow! Just kidding. He can create portals, but the taxi thing might actually be more useful.

You get the idea. Wouldn’t you love seeing Agent Coulson trying to round these guys up after hobknobbing with Thor and kissing Captain America’s ass?