Why Every Big Summer Movie
Is Going To Suck

On the surface, this movie sounds awesome: giant robots fighting giant monsters. But one look at the trailer dashes hopes. No, not that the only recognizable actor is Charlie from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia — we’d be willing to see a movie based on Charlie Day alone. We’re concerned because 90 percent of the action will likely take place at night, in the rain, underwater, behind giant velvet curtains … basically, you’ll be staring at a muddled mess of “what the hell am I looking at” for two hours. In 3D no less, which already mutes colors and detail. One of the monsters could be a boom mic and you wouldn’t be able to tell.