Why Every Big Summer Movie
Is Going To Suck

We didn’t know Matt Damon was a Scientologist. He must be, right? How else to explain how he also got his hands on the same script as Tom Cruise and Will Smith? Elysium makes — count ‘em — three allegedly different remakes of Wall-E in one summer. Earth sucks, mankind lives on a cool spaceship, poor half-robot people try to crash the party. Rinse. Repeat.